I believe Christmas week is always learning packed, every year. That's why it is so exhausting. We learn about ourselves. We learn about those we love. And we feel many many emotions. It is natural because it is the culmination of a past year's final moments. It is the product of our months of hard work to get ready for this ONE WEEK. Not only is it difficult to deal with our own intense emotions, but it can really be a challenge to watch those we love struggle with their own feelings. This is where I struggle the most. Watching. And just being there, with them, and with their feelings.
I was around many many people that I deeply love this week and they were each feeling very different things. Several people felt urgency and chaos as they attempted to create exactly what they felt was expected of them. Stress and tension leaked into the air as my loved ones tried to get the perfect gifts, create the perfect dinner, with the perfect people, at the perfect time. And when you are speaking in perfect terms... well it just never works out quite like that. As I watched my loved ones attempt to force things to go the "perfect" way in each situation, it was very difficult for me not to rescue, not to change my own plans, not to become anxious because of their dilemmas. Just let me fix it... no really... Ugh. That never really works does it.
This brought out a character trait of mine for me to ponder. I do not feel comfortable when those around me are distressed and anxious. It makes me nervous, and most of all, it causes me to feel guilty. I have no reason to feel guilty. I have done nothing wrong, but I always feel like I need to do something to make the irritation go away. As I step away from the situation, I can see that their feelings are really none of my business and they are more than capable of handling their own difficulties that comes along with the season. All I must do is take care of my own needs and when I truly carry only the burdens that I was meant to carry, it is actually a very reasonable load. And this is nothing that I need to feel guilty about. Sometimes I feel the need to take on other people's stresses because I feel it's not fair that they are stressed out and I am not... so I'll just join in with them. Silly eh?? Yea. When I really think about it, it simply does not help anyone out when I take on their chaos or stress. It doesn't make them feel better and it doesn't make the situation any lighter. It only robs me of my own sanity.
So as I process my reaction to others' feelings this week, I am struck by many truths. My misplaced feelings of guilt, my compulsion to take care of other people, and my doubt in others' ability to handle the situation gifted to them by God shows me my lack of belief in my God's desire to take care of His people and reveals doubt in my own value. I think I have had a few work-ons uncovered for me as I head on into my journey of 2012. I am blessed to have been given a gift of awareness this holiday week. This year, I desire to learn to love my dearest friends and family through their pain and their joy equally. I want to learn to cherish each moment, without trying to change or "fix" the situation. I want to value myself, by taking on only the burdens meant for me and leaving the rest to God and those on their own journey of learning. And I want to BELIEVE that the best thing possible is in store for them, WITHOUT me sticking my nose in their business. I want to learn to let the chaos go on around me, without feeling guilty that I am not part of it. This is my wish for 2012.
What is it that you have learned about yourself this week? How have you reacted to others' feelings and crises going on around you? Have you been given a few insights about things that need a tune up this new year? I'd love to hear about it! Let me know at defytheaverage@gmail.com
I was around many many people that I deeply love this week and they were each feeling very different things. Several people felt urgency and chaos as they attempted to create exactly what they felt was expected of them. Stress and tension leaked into the air as my loved ones tried to get the perfect gifts, create the perfect dinner, with the perfect people, at the perfect time. And when you are speaking in perfect terms... well it just never works out quite like that. As I watched my loved ones attempt to force things to go the "perfect" way in each situation, it was very difficult for me not to rescue, not to change my own plans, not to become anxious because of their dilemmas. Just let me fix it... no really... Ugh. That never really works does it.
This brought out a character trait of mine for me to ponder. I do not feel comfortable when those around me are distressed and anxious. It makes me nervous, and most of all, it causes me to feel guilty. I have no reason to feel guilty. I have done nothing wrong, but I always feel like I need to do something to make the irritation go away. As I step away from the situation, I can see that their feelings are really none of my business and they are more than capable of handling their own difficulties that comes along with the season. All I must do is take care of my own needs and when I truly carry only the burdens that I was meant to carry, it is actually a very reasonable load. And this is nothing that I need to feel guilty about. Sometimes I feel the need to take on other people's stresses because I feel it's not fair that they are stressed out and I am not... so I'll just join in with them. Silly eh?? Yea. When I really think about it, it simply does not help anyone out when I take on their chaos or stress. It doesn't make them feel better and it doesn't make the situation any lighter. It only robs me of my own sanity.
So as I process my reaction to others' feelings this week, I am struck by many truths. My misplaced feelings of guilt, my compulsion to take care of other people, and my doubt in others' ability to handle the situation gifted to them by God shows me my lack of belief in my God's desire to take care of His people and reveals doubt in my own value. I think I have had a few work-ons uncovered for me as I head on into my journey of 2012. I am blessed to have been given a gift of awareness this holiday week. This year, I desire to learn to love my dearest friends and family through their pain and their joy equally. I want to learn to cherish each moment, without trying to change or "fix" the situation. I want to value myself, by taking on only the burdens meant for me and leaving the rest to God and those on their own journey of learning. And I want to BELIEVE that the best thing possible is in store for them, WITHOUT me sticking my nose in their business. I want to learn to let the chaos go on around me, without feeling guilty that I am not part of it. This is my wish for 2012.
What is it that you have learned about yourself this week? How have you reacted to others' feelings and crises going on around you? Have you been given a few insights about things that need a tune up this new year? I'd love to hear about it! Let me know at defytheaverage@gmail.com
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