The last month or so (time feels like such a blur), I have struggled to shake a darkness that imposes itself upon me ever so often. I have always been a low energy person and it can feel difficult to complete the most basic of tasks. Sometimes, my daily duties seem overwhelming and more than I can bear - even though they are not more than they ever have been. When this cloud descends on me, I feel ashamed because I know my life is good - more than good - and I am more than blessed, and yet I feel overwhelmed and deeply discontent. Today I know that when I walk through those days, I am simply experiencing what I know is depression.
It can hit me when life is wonderful and motivating - totally out of the blue. I am very lucky and so very thankful to have a supportive husband who will let me cry on his shoulder for no apparent reason. That probably means more to me than anything he could possibly do. His mere loving presence is my biggest consolation. No amount of love or support however, can take away the depth of loneliness only time can ease. Every part of my life feels unbelievably challenging and impossible. Just to conserve what little energy I have, I isolate. I retreat into my own little world mixed with a little music, outdoors, animals, and internet. I remind myself that it will only last a short time and the sunshine will shine out of me again soon.
I know I am not the only one with this human condition. I get to help others everyday get through their own mental tribulations and need for peace. I empathize with their pain. I appreciate the depth it gives humanity. Yes, even in depression there are positives. All of that time in my head gives me perspective and creates a melting pot of knowledge building within me just waiting until I am able to let it out once again. I know others have this gift also, if they only have the strength to wield it. It feels like a weight too heavy for a time - like the pressure needed to create a precious stone. When it is finished, relief washes through and life feels light again, only with more beauty than before. Hold on my dear friends. Your sun is almost in sight.
If you understand my thoughts and bear the same struggles, please join the conversation. Share your own experiences and feelings. We would all love to hear about it and gain strength from you. Please comment below or send a message to defytheaverage@gmail.com
It can hit me when life is wonderful and motivating - totally out of the blue. I am very lucky and so very thankful to have a supportive husband who will let me cry on his shoulder for no apparent reason. That probably means more to me than anything he could possibly do. His mere loving presence is my biggest consolation. No amount of love or support however, can take away the depth of loneliness only time can ease. Every part of my life feels unbelievably challenging and impossible. Just to conserve what little energy I have, I isolate. I retreat into my own little world mixed with a little music, outdoors, animals, and internet. I remind myself that it will only last a short time and the sunshine will shine out of me again soon.
I know I am not the only one with this human condition. I get to help others everyday get through their own mental tribulations and need for peace. I empathize with their pain. I appreciate the depth it gives humanity. Yes, even in depression there are positives. All of that time in my head gives me perspective and creates a melting pot of knowledge building within me just waiting until I am able to let it out once again. I know others have this gift also, if they only have the strength to wield it. It feels like a weight too heavy for a time - like the pressure needed to create a precious stone. When it is finished, relief washes through and life feels light again, only with more beauty than before. Hold on my dear friends. Your sun is almost in sight.
If you understand my thoughts and bear the same struggles, please join the conversation. Share your own experiences and feelings. We would all love to hear about it and gain strength from you. Please comment below or send a message to defytheaverage@gmail.com
You are loved and your kindness is a gift to many of us fortunate enough to know you. Thank you
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