Break the Financial Chains

Here in America, we are encouraged to take out credit cards, loans, and mortgages regularly. Debt is the norm and 80% of Americans have it. The average household debt is $130,922. Approximately 70% of all cars are purchased with a loan. The overwhelming majority of homeowners have a mortgage. Despite all of these horrifying statistics, we continue to be hounded to buy more. According to a Yankelovich study, the average American is exposed to over 300 ads per day. We are bombarded with pressure to buy things everywhere - billboards, magazines, tv, radio, mail, by phone, and even at your front door. Companies are not shy to ask, and even demand, your business. 

Companies may not be shy, but many of us are embarrassed and ashamed to discuss our financial woes. Many of us feel isolated and alone in our sea of debt, and we desperately try to keep up the appearance that everything is ok. Debt, in so many ways, allows us to keep up the illusion that we own a nice home, drive a great car, and can afford our daily Starbucks. No one ever has to know that everything has a monthly payment attached. 

So, what's the big deal? Can't we all just get along with a little debt?

Many Americans do live with substantial debt successfully, for awhile. The problem with debt is that it requires mercilessly consistent payments. Get sick? Too bad. Your car payment won't wait. Getting married? Nope, you're not getting a break. Experience a major loss? Your mortgage won't be showing you any sympathy. Debt ensures that the endless working machine runs smoothly and keeps you showing up every day. The myth is that slavery was abolished in America. The difference today is we have the choice to become enslaved, or opt out. 

If you are one of the many Americans who are feeling weighed down by the heavy burden of debt, rest assured there is hope! It does take some work and dedication, but financial freedom is real! Taking steps toward freedom starts with education and writing a personalized financial plan. Hiring a coach and taking workshop courses can be beneficial in this process, no matter how deep you feel your financial hole is. I myself (Jill Landis) was in $30,000 dollars worth of debt, aside from my mortgage, when I started this process. I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. Once a educated myself and put together a plan, I felt hopeful and inspired. It took me three years to become debt-free, minus the mortgage. I am now steadily chipping away at that. There is hope for everyone, regardless of the circumstances!

The benefits of living a debt-free life are endless. When an individual operates from a place of financial health, relationships improve, emotional security increases, and most importantly, personal freedom expands. From a place of financial freedom, a person is free to dream bigger than their 9 to 5. Perhaps you'd like to start a business. Rid yourself of the unease that comes with a heavy burden of debt. Are finances a topic of tension in your marriage? Get your financial future in order and watch how the peace and security in your relationship blossoms. There is nothing like the sweet taste of independence and freedom that comes from owing no one anything. 

How are you building your financial freedom? Do you have unaddressed debt that consistently drains your energy and attention? Do you have a financial plan for your future? How are you managing the resources that the universe has entrusted you with? 

Tell me all about it! I'd love to hear about your successes and challenges! 

I Don't Have Time

I have been thinking a lot about patience and delayed gratification. We live in a very busy culture that often does not have time to wait. I fall into this category so much more often than I wish were true. I am always rushing from one thing to the next, acutely aware of the time (or lack of it). I rarely have time to respond to all of the emails, phone calls, and texts I am continually bombarded with. I never got to experience adult life without being on-call 24/7; my cell phone waiting on edge to notify the next demands to me. At one time, I was overjoyed to possess the immediate access to my phone and I felt powerful to have the ability to contact anyone on a whim. As time continued however, my excitement over my glamorous cell phone has dwindled. It is now simply a representation of constant, overwhelming demands for response. It is another facet of this culture that keeps me continually busy.

We all know stress is killing us, yet it is an addiction this culture is loath to be rid of. We all have some place to be, some chore to do, some work to be done. I am included in this madness. I often take a step back however, and think to myself that this is completely unnatural. I wonder what it would be like if the animals behaved like we do - rushing from here to there - doing mostly meaningless tasks frantically. What is it that we are so frantically seeking? This is a question I hate asking honestly because the answers are usually so trivial. We seek money, popularity, status, success, fear, debt, and "stuff". Rarely to I find a person on a pursuit of peace, love, community, simplicity, and fulfillment because, you see, those things are found in the opposite of busyness. A person rushing around frantically, cannot simultaneously be experiencing peace and simplicity. They are diametrically opposed.

In observing this busy madness, immediate gratification was become a necessity. It takes conscious, intentional action to combat its ugly grip on humanity. We are chained to canned and boxed foods, microwaves, factory farms, pharmaceuticals, credit cards, loans, ready-made clothing, childcare, and instant entertainment. The art of relationships, gardening, cooking, sewing, saving, parenting, and independent creation is quickly becoming extinct. Because we don't have time. We all need it now. We are easily sacrificing the quality of our lives because there is no time to spend on the things that matter. A small example was my own struggle with eating well. I was determined to stop eating out and to begin eating whole foods. Yet over and over I got knocked down due to my lack of time. I would leave for work without a plan and come lunch time, convenience got its way. I would grab something quick to eat that was inconsistent with my goals and I would feel like a failure. It was only when I took control of my priorities and my time, set aside a day a week for cooking, and packed my lunches ahead of time, that I began to succeed. This is one example of what it takes to defy immediate gratification and practice patience.

So, what of delayed gratification? Does patience exist in this busy, rushing, stressed out world? I believe patience requires a shift, not only of perspective, but of action. Peace, patience, and happiness are the antithesis of busyness and stress. Our lives cannot be modeled by greed and fear and money. At the end of life, no one wants to look back and find the only accomplishments worth noting are money and success. Real value does not come by way of this rat race. It is not accomplished by one tv dinner after another. Anything of substance requires patience and constantly putting our busy schedules in check. There is no time for mindless activities and meaningless errands. Our lives are short! We get an average of 70 years and we never get a second back. There is no rewind button and no do-overs. I do not want to waste my time chasing things that do not add to my time here, how about you? I want to get the most out of my experiences and stop being ruled by immediate gratification.

How do you stop the pull of busyness in your life? Are you governed by work, money, debt, and errands? How do you set boundaries and create space for the things that are truly valuable to you? I would love to hear about it. Please start the conversation below or email me at defytheaverage@gmail.com

Inhale 2015, Exhale 2014

It is a new year again! I LOVE the feeling of newness and excitement. I just can't help but feel motivated as the year turns over and the energy refreshes me. I feel grateful by reflecting on all of the happiness, and fears, and courage, and LIFE 2014 gave me. I also feel drawn toward the freshness and promise of a new year with so many possibilities. 2015 has this wonderful blank page just waiting for the words I choose to write. It will have some unexpected turns and some surprises. I am sure I will cry some tears and I will lose my patience, but I will be given gifts that I didn't know existed and I will learn wisdom unique to my own place, time, and being.

I hear a lot of negativity about resolutions and what New Year's represents, as this day draws closer. I have a feeling that many of those comments are motivated by fear. Fear of forgetting. Fear of falling short. Fear of losing inspiration. Fear of failing again. How many people don't want to reach for a new goal because they have been there, done that? It didn't work. Fear is a powerful thing. It wants you to stay whipped. It wants to to forget about making goals and dreaming up possibilities. It wants you to feel threatened by your resolutions.

So, what about those possibilities? You have just as much a chance of success as you do failure. Your biggest hopes and your biggest fears have an equal chance of happening. Which ones do you allow to bounce around in your head? Which ones do you feel overwhelmed by? Is it exciting to set resolutions and watch as the outcome unfolds?

Here is the question: What is to lose by setting new resolutions?

The worst that could happen is...? Nothing changes. If you accomplish absolutely none of your resolutions, you would end up exactly as you are today (perhaps even a little wiser), and that's not a failure. But the cool thing is it would be hard to write a list of goals without actually conquering at least one of them. So set your resolutions. And redefine them over and over throughout the year. Goals are cool because they are never set in stone. They are flexible. You are the director and you get to set the direction... or change direction. Resolutions are only scary and threatening if you have forgotten that you are in charge. In charge of your goals and in charge of your LIFE.

The year is going to be filled with unexpected things and brand new opportunities. You are going to change. So many things are not controllable, but the choices we have in each moment are not insignificant. It is time, this first day of the year, to get prepared for the choices we will make and chart the course we would like to take. Don't react to the waves as they come but rather set your sails proactively, in wisdom. The course of your life is driven by your intention.

So, what resolutions do you have for 2015? Are you dreaming of personal changes, career changes, school, family, relationships, discipline? I hope that you have big dreams and are inspired to life fully this year! Please share your thoughts and start the conversation below or send me an email at defytheaverage@gmail.com.

Letting go of the old year, Bringing in the New. 2015!

2014 Reflections:

Our first year married was even more awesome than I could ever imagine.

In January, I started work at Brighter Future Health as a social worker where I get to work with the best team I have ever worked with. I am so grateful for my employers.

My own business, In Tune Wellness, has continued to develop and become a defined force in my life. I am loving the learning process.

February was a warm spot in the winter. We went to Jamaica and had a blast.

Apollo (my Boxer) had to have two cancerous spots removed. I cried. I could tell he really hurt and all I could do was hold him.

This spring, I was able to visit my lovely grandmother and it was wonderful.

Also this spring - I poured my heart and soul into my garden and it gave back ten fold. I am planning on doing it all over again soon.

In May, we went to Yellowstone because it is our yearly tradition and we love that place. It never gets old.

This summer was quiet. Dan (my husband) had intense stomach issues and was bed ridden for most of it. We both missed camping but are soooo ready to bring it on this year!

I had so. many. beautiful. walks. this summer.

August was my third anniversary in recovery. I couldn't be more grateful.

Dan and I went to Cancun in September. Again. We really can't stay away from that place because, well, it's just perfect.

Dan's best friend got married in October and he got to be the "reverend". Haha - it was great.

Harvest was intense. I spent days in the kitchen, canning.

Fall was beautiful, but Dan had some health scares I could have done without. My biggest fears are pretty much gone but I get to remember to live one day at a time and enjoy my best friend in this moment.

I cooked my heart out this holiday season and made so much food pretty much everyone is sick of eating...

Christmas was more than I could ask for. More Love than a person needs, warmth, home, good people surrounding me, and my best friend and husband to share it all with. Oh, and I got a piano. That is a great addition to our home.

The New Year - that's tomorrow. I am excited to clear out all of the old energy in my life. I am cleaning out my home and organizing. I am freshening up my rooms and getting rid of things that have gotten old. I am renewing goals that have gotten fuzzy and picking up books that have gotten dusty. I am maintaining my visions for good health and tightening up my discipline. I am cleaning up relationships and redefining my priorities. Kindness, Love and Patience are my goals for 2015. I hope you all feel as blessed as I do!!!

Changes, Honesty, and Acceptance

Life is fluid. Changing. You will never step into the same river twice. And our journey through life demands a constant will to adapt. This requires honesty and unwavering dedication to see reality for what it is, instead of forcing a fantasy that will never be. We all have those fairy tales and dreams we are fighting for, and sometimes, telling ourselves they are real is the best we can do. Once we can peel away a layer of our fantasies and step out of our illusions for just a second, that is where the change has a chance to begin. We must be aware of our reality and what is true before we can take action.

Throughout my life, I have had moments where I am barely hanging on and moments where I am unshakable. I have been unspeakably happy and I have been wounded and devastated. Despite all of my efforts to force my own will and dreams upon life, it has always had a plan of its own. My part is to open my arms with gratitude and flow with the direction that is revealed to me, no matter what that direction is. It requires an honest look at reality, acceptable of that reality, and a will to work on myself and take action. I never know what is coming next. Sometimes, I am shocked at how blessed I am. Other times, I must grieve and labor to accept the things revealed.

There are so many things that can threaten the life I think I want. There are money problems, work problems, family problems, conflicts, and personal struggles that can all upset my idea of "perfection" and "happiness". I have felt pretty good, at times, with pushing through these difficulties and enjoying the journey. Life has given me a greater challenge recently and I am having trouble accepting it. It is scary. It is threatening. It could change my life - change me - significantly. I have two people in my life, who I dearly love, fighting for their lives. I am powerless over health. I do not get to choose whose heart beats, whose blood pumps, or which medicine will work. I only get to observe life and enjoy good health while it is given. I have taken it for granted in the past. I choose to relish it fully in the future.

We don't get to edit our time on this earth or rewind time lost on things that didn't matter. Time is constantly moving forward and we can choose to let it pass by, or stay in tune with each moment, cherishing those we love.

What takes your energy each day? Is it work? School? Worries? Money? Do you fully enjoy your children, family, and loved ones? Do you give your own life your best, or what's left?

Start the conversation below or send me an email at defytheaverage@gmail.com

Master or Slave

Today, I want to talk about a very scary issue that has caused so much damage and grief in my life. That topic is Finances. Throughout the last year I feel like I have gained so much clarity about finances in my own life and how it fits into the bigger picture.

My experience with money has been mainly bad. It has been used as a tool to manipulate me, control me, and punish me. It has been stolen from me and it has been used to take advantage of me. And there has never, EVER, been enough of it. In working with my mentor, I have discovered that I have a huge resentment toward money and I hate the fact that it can affect my life so much. So, how to unravel all of these feelings and uncover the all of the positive that money can bring...

Money is simply an extension of self. Read that again. It is not bad, good, or moral. It is simply a manifestation of our decisions, discipline, and priorities. Often, when there is chaos and turmoil going on within, it will show in our finances. So it was for me. I had poor boundaries - I was stolen from (over and over). I had low self worth - I spent more money trying to rescue others than on my own self care. I had low self confidence - it was easy to manipulate me with money and hang it over my head. I felt powerless and helpless over my own money and future, therefore I manifested poor spending habits and choices. There are other examples but these are the most prominent. Now, imagine what happens when those inward battles begin to shift. Boundaries are set. Self care becomes a priority. Self confidence happens. Empowerment happens. And now, the finances start to look a little different...

"Money is an excellent slave or a horrible master."

Cleaning up my insides feels good and so does cleaning up my finances. It is hard being patient for change to take place in the area of financial success. Although attitudes and choices can change fairly quickly, finances often take years to clean up. You can dig a hole of debt in a year that can take ten years of dedication to pay off. Whatever the individual case may be, financial discipline is an opportunity to develop character and patience. It is also an opportunity to see how rewarding money can be. Money is unruly, but once I determined to refuse to be ruled by it, my life (and my money) changed.

I have been surprised to find that the abundance of money does not produce contentment and happiness; rather it is the lack of need for it.

When I am taking excellent care of myself and working on myself, I do not have the urge to shop for things I do not need. I do not care to indulge in needless food or unhealthy random purchases. I don't have to have a Starbucks coffee just because I left the house. I don't have the impulse to buy something simply because I haven't bought anything in awhile or because I am simply in a store. I cannot count the times I have recently walked into a store, grabbed a cart, looked for an item that I couldn't find, and then I was ok to WALK OUT WITH NOTHING. A few years ago I would have made sure to buy something just because I was in the store. Sometimes, I didn't even like what I was buying. Today, my financial wellbeing is more important and rewarding. And it feels so good.

Today, I can honor myself through paying off debts and regularly paying myself (saving). I don't have to be dependent on others because I have planned for the future. I don't have to worry about people taking advantage of me because I have the ability to say "no" when something doesn't honor me. I don't have to rescue others with my money because I don't have to prove I am a good person that way. I don't have to spend in order feel in control of my life because today I make empowered choices that don't make me feel helpless. I can't say that money feels entirely great yet, but it is feeling better and better. One day, I expect to have a fantastic and healthy relationship with money and my relationship with myself improves.

What has money helped you discover about yourself? Is your relationship with money damaged, or have you successfully developed a loving interaction? Is money your master, or your slave? I would love to hear your thoughts below or in a message at defytheaverage@gmail.com

Summer Expecations

So many things have been on my mind. Which means you all will probably get an earful shortly. Haha...

This summer has been exactly the opposite of my expectations. My plans were to do lots and LOTS of camping. My plans were to visit my dad in Montana and enjoy the mountains in Glacier National Park. My plans were to spend a few days adventuring with my husband backpacking the Sawtooths. My plans were... just plans. God had a different journey for me this summer. I have been grounded at home - stuck with all the wonderful aspects of my sanctuary of my home and the disappointment of letting my  scripted plans go. At the beginning of the summer, everything looked promising. My husband seemed to be well mended from the autoimmune illness he has battled with and was so well that he had even begun bodybuilding again. That's when Life stepped in. New stepson: Bam. Pancreatitis: Bam. Diverticulitis: Bam. It's a game changer...

This summer has required my husband and I to be near a bathroom and a hospital 24/7. I had heard the words Pancreatitis and Diverticulitis before but had absolutely no knowledge of the damage they could do or the radical lifestyle changes they required. My husband can no longer eat so many things. No fat. No oil. No dairy. No gluten. No nuts or seeds... what's left right? I suddenly feel guilty for enjoying so many of my own meals that he can never touch again. On top of my husband's new health complications, we now have the joy of welcoming a new addition to the Landis family. My husband and I decided to embark on a new parenting journey with my 17 year old stepson. So instead of a carefree summer of adventuring and mountain serenity, life did what it so often does: it required adjustment, learning, and growth.

My point in sharing this is not to invoke pity or sadness. It is to share my learning (or rather re-learning) of an important lesson: relying on plans to dictate your journey may cause disappointment. Expectations often lead to resentment or attempts to fight reality. I had to let go of my desires for the summer and open my eyes to the other things summer might hold for me. I got to do lots of gardening (which I LOVE). I got to can and cook to my little heart's content. I got to enjoy my work a little extra. I got to enjoy my cozy home a little more than usual. I got to learn about my stepson. I got to enjoy extra time with my husband. I GOT TO AND I GET TO. It just wasn't what I had created in my mind in anticipation of summer. Life brings us gifts constantly, but we must be willing to accept what those gifts are and look for them regularly. I am grateful for a life that is always surprising me and bringing me new challenges. It makes me feel alive.

Are there plans in your life that you have struggled to let go of? Do you expect an outcome before life has unfolded it before you? How are you with adjusting to the will of Life instead of forcing your own desires? I would love to hear about it. Please start the conversation below or send me a message at defytheaverage@gmail.com