The Journey of the Past

The past is full of fears, regrets, memories, and smiles. It is both pleasant and painful. I could never have dreamed my life would have held the twists and turns it did. You can plan and force your way through life, or you can simply enjoy the universe as it unfolds your journey in front of you. I tried, for a time, to impose my will on my life but the way of nature only laughed.

I miss some things I lost along the way. I miss people. I miss friends. I miss ideas. I miss ideals washed away by reality. Sometimes, I miss ignorance.

Some people were only with me for awhile and fell away with each chapter of my life as I grew. Some friends are still mysteries to me. Some, I thought, would be with me forever as kindred souls yet some strange force pulled them away. Some, are silently angry and will not tell me what grievance has come between us. Some, are just too busy.

Thoughts in my head have spun in circles beginning with severe confidence and ending in humble questions. As a teen, life had but to unfold in my hands and the world was at my command. My mind was rigid and brainwashed, a robotic version of budding human awakening. As a young adult, friends and education pried open my mind and allowed me to experience some of the "gray" areas, and loads of fun and laughter. As a working woman, life's tragedy hit me like a ton of bricks and I became wincingly aware of the evil humans participate in daily. I heard the cry of the poor, vulnerable, and unloved. Today, illusions have been stripped away and I realize the gravity of our human plight, the fragility of the earth, and the infinite deception of mankind. I know more truth than I ever have, but I have lost so many beautiful lies along the way...

I have learned to dig for truth. I have learned to never be so sure that I do not question. I have learned life can be lonely for a season and it can be full of friends. I have learn intimacy is always waiting for me. I have learned for sure there are no guarantees and everything is subject to change. We never step in the same river twice, I will never step out in the same sunshine and I will never kiss my same husband's lips twice. I am grateful for my experience today and for the change that brought me here - painful, delightful, challenging, and revealing - woven together. I have found love, wisdom, life, growth, ideas, and reality. And I am not even half way through yet! This time I do not even pretend to know what this crazy world intends to teach me next. I do know I expect it to be profound and wonderful.

What has life taught you so far? What do you miss most from your journey? And what is next for you? Please let me know and post your thoughts below. Or you can message me at defytheaverage@gmail.com

Thank you for reading!

Depression

The last month or so (time feels like such a blur), I have struggled to shake a darkness that imposes itself upon me ever so often. I have always been a low energy person and it can feel difficult to complete the most basic of tasks. Sometimes, my daily duties seem overwhelming and more than I can bear - even though they are not more than they ever have been. When this cloud descends on me, I feel ashamed because I know my life is good - more than good - and I am more than blessed, and yet I feel overwhelmed and deeply discontent. Today I know that when I walk through those days, I am simply experiencing what I know is depression.

It can hit me when life is wonderful and motivating - totally out of the blue. I am very lucky and so very thankful to have a supportive husband who will let me cry on his shoulder for no apparent reason. That probably means more to me than anything he could possibly do. His mere loving presence is my biggest consolation. No amount of love or support however, can take away the depth of loneliness only time can ease. Every part of my life feels unbelievably challenging and impossible. Just to conserve what little energy I have, I isolate. I retreat into my own little world mixed with a little music, outdoors, animals, and internet. I remind myself that it will only last a short time and the sunshine will shine out of me again soon.

I know I am not the only one with this human condition. I get to help others everyday get through their own mental tribulations and need for peace. I empathize with their pain. I appreciate the depth it gives humanity. Yes, even in depression there are positives. All of that time in my head gives me perspective and creates a melting pot of knowledge building within me just waiting until I am able to let it out once again. I know others have this gift also, if they only have the strength to wield it. It feels like a weight too heavy for a time - like the pressure needed to create a precious stone. When it is finished, relief washes through and life feels light again, only with more beauty than before. Hold on my dear friends. Your sun is almost in sight.

If you understand my thoughts and bear the same struggles, please join the conversation. Share your own experiences and feelings. We would all love to hear about it and gain strength from you. Please comment below or send a message to defytheaverage@gmail.com

A Question of Love

I do not care much for getting into religious debates or challenging people's faith. I used to as a teenager who had something to prove - but peace has become a valuable commodity for me today. I respect that people are on a journey constantly struggling within themselves about how this life works and why. We all come to different conclusions that seem to make sense and most importantly - make us feel secure. Recently (not by my own choice) I have had to think more than usual about religion and what it means for our world. My husband has been delving into loads of information about the history and sources of any and all religions possible. Consequently, I have benefitted from his studies.

I used to consider myself religious up until around age 20 - then I dropped all the titles and decided that simply having a spiritual relationship with the one I call God fit me better. My background is strictly Christian and that is what makes me ponder so much today. I have a growing intensity of sadness about how religion has done the opposite of what so many of them have set out to do. For instance, I grew up constantly studying the Bible - but why did I never hear my church say "Jesus showed love to murderers and thieves, so we are going to show love and peace to prisoners this week," or "Jesus ate with the sick, poor, and sinful, so this week we are going to invite the homeless over for dinner and make friends with a prostitute."? The word LOVE is mentioned 551 times in the Bible. Yet I am ashamed to say I cannot look back and say that is what I saw.

My experience is limited. I cannot personally speak for any other religions than what I saw myself, and even Christianity can be very different depending on the church and people. A short time of honest study reveals religions all have a checkered and often shameful past. There is violence, torture, and killing. There is stealing, selfishness, and conquering. All in the name of their god. It is nauseating to turn the pages of history and see the horrors. It all makes me want to stop the course of the book and begin a fresh one - one where we get to rewind back to the love that our God showed us how to live. A start where we choose not to deviate from peace, harmony, love, and consideration. Can religion fit in those pages? Sure! But can we please leave out the hate, judgment, superiority, intolerance, violence, and fear?? That's what would be beautiful to see moving forward. Do you agree?

How has religion shaped and changed your life? Were you raised to believe in a particular manner? Are you free to ask what questions your heart whispers? How does an honest look at history affect your beliefs? What do you wish to see in religion in the future?

The Human Condition

I have been thinking a lot about human behavior lately - why we make the choices we do, why we have the beliefs we do, and what the motivation is for our behavior. There is so much that I have puzzled over for years and still don't have the answers. All I have now are a few observations. Of course, many people have books full of opinions about behavior and it will take me a lifetime to read all of the valuable information out there. I would love to hear all of your thoughts and experiences as well.

Growing up, I heard a lot of discussion about people's choices. It was easy to condemn others' decisions to get high, have sex, get pregnant, be "lazy", etc... I still hear all the same condemnation around me today, but I can't help but pay attention to the very opposite feelings that well up inside me when I am faced with "those" behaviors people do. The judgment I hear at first glance can sound reasonable - sort of a "well he was asking for it when he made that choice" attitude. After many years of observing human nature for myself, I believe very deeply that humans choose very little and judgment bestowed is very harsh. We seem to be compelled to action by the variety of intense emotions we feel constantly. And I'm not just talking about the outcasts of society. I'm talking about every one of us. I know many people that claim to base their decisions on nothing but objective and logical truth, only to see them conveniently fit their "logic" around their own feelings and desires. We seem to be a wonderful judge of the potential choices others, but are completely crippled when it comes to being an unbiased critic and director of our own lives.

I am still baffled by this seemingly unavoidable denial and blindness. I am all the more convinced we must be vigilant in our own lives to be painstakingly honest. As wonderful and beautiful as our emotions and feelings are, they can sway our behavior in ways many of us are oblivious to. It is a great realization however, to understand the seemingly irrational spontaneity of others is simply a reflection of the way I behave at times. It is not beneficial to judge the behavior we see but the observation of it is powerful, because we get a glimpse of the insanity that exists in our own lives. When I look back over my own life in this way, I get to see my flaws determined by the intense pull of my feelings and emotions that seemed logical at the time.

It is dangerous to limit your self awareness by claiming you are logical and base your actions only on objective information. Dig deep and practice honesty as you take a new look at the actions that have created the tapestry of your life. Ponder the feelings you felt. Experience the emotion again. Realize the impulsivity that has changed your life and made you who you are. Release the judgment and excuses. Try and see your neighbors in a new light. Perhaps we aren't so different. Perhaps we all live with the blessing (and sometimes curse) of being created with intense and powerful emotions. So step into their shoes and practice a little less judgment. It is a beautiful experience. Judgment is a heavy burden based in misunderstanding that we can choose to trade for understanding of the human condition we experience equally. And who wants a burden anyway when the light of wisdom is at your fingertips?

How have you been limited in your beliefs about your own actions? Have you judged others' behavior because you misunderstand them? Can you choose honesty and understanding today? Let me hear about it in the conversation here or in a message to defytheaverage@gmail.com

Reset

It feels so good to be home. I have been getting back into the routine of my life here after a trip with my husband. Whenever I go through a change in my routine, I tend to naturally see my surroundings a little differently. It doesn't have to be a trip: just a shift in some aspect of my surroundings and activities. If I am sensitive to the change around me, it helps me appreciate what I have and be the best I can be. Changes in my life essentially help me hit a reset button.

I used to hate change and still find it uncomfortable. Even things that are good changes. Initially, it was strange for me to travel with my husband. I never realized how fixated I was on my work, ambitions, and day to day activities. Even though traveling seemed fun, it meant "having time" to leave my very busy life here. It meant a huge change of pace and scenery. Boy was I limiting myself. I will never ever get this time again. I am so glad that my husband - over and over again - has pushed me to save whatever money we can, take time off work, and experience some life changes (and a break). Although I love seeing new cultures and observing new people, what I really love and what moves me the most is getting a chance to "reset". I never understood what getting a break could really do for me. I seriously had not allowed myself to take a day off, just for fun, for years. Actually, not since I became an adult working full time...

Take a little time to experience something different than the usual. It's not earth shattering - but it seemed to be for me. By stepping aside from my usual routine, I was delighted to make a new discovery. Instead of returning to a feeling of being behind - instead of stress - I would come back motivated and thankful for even the small things in my life. I looked forward to getting back to the gym instead of dreading it. I had a refreshed passion to pour into my clients. I found myself going through clothes and jewelry, and organizing closets, and getting rid of unneeded possessions. How ridiculous that I ever pushed away an opportunity to clear my head and reset my life! I am so grateful to have discovered such a powerful tool. I believe we all need to be "reset" once in awhile to gain some perspective. A little gratitude. A little happiness. A little change. 

I realize traveling just isn't an option for many people. It wasn't for me for most of my life. Change has always been an option, however. Go experience something different. Maybe take a mini trip to the mountains (my personal, absolute favorite), or go on a small road trip. The most elaborate trips in the world do not compare to a simple, couple day drive through Yellowstone, or Glacier National Park. No matter who you are, there are some hidden options for you waiting to be discovered. Rest and refreshing is awaiting you. Please take it. Your life will thank you for it.

How are you living your life? Are you refreshed and motivated? Or are you tired and disgruntled with things? Can you allow yourself a break from the routine? Let me know your thoughts here or at defytheaverage@gmail.com

The Power of Thought

The last few months I have really zoned in on a newly discovered truth. It's not really that I was unaware of it before, but I never really considered it's importance. Positivity. Optimism. Faith. It doesn't take a genius to know these qualities are good and of course I always viewed them as wonderful things. I took their power for granted, however.

What energy do you feel when you discuss poverty? Racism? Cruelty? Hate? They are very real things that our world experiences, sure. But how do you feel when you simply think about them? I get chills. I get enraged. I get overwhelmed. I feel powerless. My life, my energy, and my sense of wellbeing are shaken to the core when my mind is consumed with tragedy and negativity. And I don't think I am the only one...

So what about delightful things? How do Love, Peace, Trust, Hope and Fairness make you feel? What kind of energy surrounds you when your mind is filled with these things? I am instantly flooded with relaxation and tension leaves my body. I feel light. I feel the urge of possibility. I feel poised to take action. There is power in thoughts of life and love. And we get to choose what to focus on. We choose what to let in, and what to keep out.

The energy of our thoughts hold potential. If we can collectively, intentionally choose to think of optimism and hope, think of the energy our world would be filled with! When the focus turns from poverty to hope, from hate to peace, maybe in that it will be fulfilled. We will receive more of what we focus on - what we pour our energy into. Place your thoughts and energy on problems and what will you get? More problems. Pour your life into healing and love, and you will find more of that will seem to find you. I want to bring more love to this world. There are beautiful beings here. There is a brilliant and beaming world waiting for a stage. Let's kick the woe and sorrow off the stage and let beauty have the spotlight!

What will you choose to think on? What energy do you wish to bring to this world? Where is your focus usually? Let me know your thoughts in the conversation here or in a message to defytheaverage@gmail.com

Expect not, Want not.

I think we have all heard that little phrase "expect not, want not" at some time in our lives. I never really soaked up the meaning of it until the last few years however, when life did not allow me to ignore it any longer. Expectations and demands are so natural to have of life, people, work, yourself... everything. But are they helping or hindering your relationships and your life?

I have a little saying I remind myself of now when I am attached to the outcome of a situation: "expectations are premeditated resentments." If I expect that a friend will never gossip about me, that a co-worker will always do their share, that my husband will never criticize - I have set myself up for some major disappointments. I even see the horrible affects of very high expectations of self. In fact, I think the object of people's highest expectations is of themselves. I have been guilty of expecting unrealistic things of myself such as being able to work a full time job, go to full time school, have a relationship, have friends, start a business or non-profit or some big project... of course all at the same time... and the list could go on. So what is the harm in expecting a lot from yourself? I see so many clients (especially women) build their list of things they "should" be doing, only to feel like a failure and someone who is unproductive. Their "failure" to be all of the things they expect becomes an excuse to verbally and mentally abuse themselves in the most unkind ways.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a lot out of life. We should, because life is abundantly full of lovely experiences, people, and achievements. Somehow, expectations seem to drive us further from all of the loveliness and closer to misery and bitterness. The expectations of others is pretty much useless because we have absolutely no control over others' behavior. None. If you don't like something another person is doing that affects you, by all means share your feelings and stand up for your needs. Do that, knowing that you are being true to yourself - not that they are going to change. Because they very well might not. And they are allowed to. If you don't like it and cannot be the best version of you around their behavior, remove them from your life. Most of our expectations however, are just that - our own idea of what other ought to be doing. Step away from your judgment for a moment and see the dignity of their own decisions. They may be happy with the way things are.

Expectations of yourself are another beast entirely. You do have some control over yourself and your own behavior, so it is right to focus your attention there. Do not sacrifice joy and gentleness for your high expectations however, because you will find your life disappeared and left only disappointment. Enjoy the moment you have right now and be the best version of self you can be, with no judgment. Before you know it, the world will be at your fingertips. You will have joy in every day and you will be fulfilling the dreams you never knew you had. It may not include some grandios degree or job or superwoman powers, but you will be present and displaying your best version of you - with no expectations. Flow with your life and allow opportunities to unfold naturally instead of planning your life out and creating a wake of resentment when things don't go the way you wished. Trade your expectations for the day for enjoyment of the gifts life has given you.

What have you been expecting of others? Yourself? Have you created resentments? What is your next move now? Can you accept your day today without any expectations and just simply enjoy the gifts? Start the conversation here or in a message to me at defytheaverage@gmail.com