Growth Quote:

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security."

- Gail Sheehy, is an American writer and lecturer, most notable for her books on life and the life cycle. She is also a contributor to the magazine Vanity Fair.

God, grant me the courage to CHANGE the things I CAN. = ]

Affirmations:

I celebrate taking my mask off today and revealing my authentic self.

Be Positive!

Keep a positive outlook even when you fail or fall on your face. It's those that try that change the world.

Why men are in trouble

By William J. Bennett, CNN Contributor

Editor's note: William J. Bennett, a CNN contributor, is the author of "The Book of Man: Readings on the Path to Manhood." Bennett is the Washington fellow of the Claremont Institute. He was U.S. secretary of education from 1985 to 1988 and was director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy under President George H.W. Bush.

(CNN) -- For the first time in history, women are better educated, more ambitious and arguably more successful than men.
Now, society has rightly celebrated the ascension of one sex. We said, "You go girl," and they went. We celebrate the ascension of women but what will we do about what appears to be the very real decline of the other sex?

The data does not bode well for men. In 1970, men earned 60% of all college degrees. In 1980, the figure fell to 50%, by 2006 it was 43%. Women now surpass men in college degrees by almost three to two. Women's earnings grew 44% in real dollars from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men.

William J. Bennett

In 1950, 5% of men at the prime working age were unemployed. As of last year, 20% were not working, the highest ever recorded. Men still maintain a majority of the highest paid and most powerful occupations, but women are catching them and will soon be passing them if this trend continues.

The warning signs for men stretch far beyond their wallets. Men are more distant from a family or their children then they have ever been. The out-of-wedlock birthrate is more than 40% in America. In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. In 2010, that share had risen to 27%. Men are also less religious than ever before. According to Gallup polling, 39% of men reported attending church regularly in 2010, compared to 47% of women.

If you don't believe the numbers, just ask young women about men today. You will find them talking about prolonged adolescence and men who refuse to grow up. I've heard too many young women asking, "Where are the decent single men?" There is a maturity deficit among men out there, and men are falling behind.
This decline in founding virtues -- work, marriage, and religion -- has caught the eye of social commentators from all corners. In her seminal article, "The End of Men," Hanna Rosin unearthed the unprecedented role reversal that is taking place today. "Man has been the dominant sex since, well, the dawn of mankind. But for the first time in human history, that is changing—and with shocking speed," writes Rosin. The changes in modern labor -- from backs to brains -- have catapulted women to the top of the work force, leaving men in their dust.

Hanna Rosin: Are women leaving men behind?
Man's response has been pathetic. Today, 18-to- 34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to- 17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families. Women are beginning to take the place of men in many ways. This has led some to ask: do we even need men?

So what's wrong? Increasingly, the messages to boys about what it means to be a man are confusing. The machismo of the street gang calls out with a swagger. Video games, television and music offer dubious lessons to boys who have been abandoned by their fathers. Some coaches and drill sergeants bark, "What kind of man are you?" but don't explain.

Movies are filled with stories of men who refuse to grow up and refuse to take responsibility in relationships. Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys to be discarded when things get complicated. Through all these different and conflicting signals, our boys must decipher what it means to be a man, and for many of them it is harder to figure out.

For boys to become men, they need to be guided through advice, habit, instruction, example and correction. It is true in all ages. Someone once characterized the two essential questions Plato posed as: Who teaches the children, and what do we teach them? Each generation of men and women have an obligation to teach the younger males (and females of course) coming behind them. William Wordsworth said, "What we have loved, others will love, and we will teach them how." When they fail in that obligation, trouble surely follows.
We need to respond to this culture that sends confusing signals to young men, a culture that is agnostic about what it wants men to be, with a clear and achievable notion of manhood.

The Founding Fathers believed, and the evidence still shows, that industriousness, marriage and religion are a very important basis for male empowerment and achievement. We may need to say to a number of our twenty-something men, "Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job and get married." It's time for men to man up.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of William J. Bennett.

Hey women: value your bodies, respect your sense of self.

Is It Possible For Women To Hookup Like Guys?

Is it possible for women to casually hook up or have sex without creating any kind of emotional response or a longing for attachment? In other words, are women as able and likely to have emotionless sexual experiences as many men are? From my point of view, in 99% of the cases the answer is no. For the purpose of this article I am defining “a casual hook up” as having sex or any sexual encounter beyond good old-fashioned making out with someone whom you have no mutual emotional connection or established relationship with. It’s the guy you just met who is super cute, confident, and ultra flirty. He’s says things to you that sound so good you intuitively know he’s had a lot of practice saying them to other girls. Or the guy you may have known for a while who only texts you to see if you want to “hang” but has never asked you out on a real date. Or it could even be the guy you’ve been on a couple dates with and by now feel obligated to “put out” more.
Most women are not able to have casual hookups without getting their hearts involved or having any follow up expectations. Why? Let’s begin by looking at basic biology. When we have any kind of physical exchange with a guy from cuddling to having sex, we release a ton of the bonding hormone oxytocin. When we release oxytocin, it changes the chemistry of our brain and we start to feel more emotionally connected to whomever triggered it. If you think you are totally capable of having a meaningless romp or really aren’t into the guy, oxytocin may change everything! Even if you really have no interest in seeing him again, chances are you still will want to hear from him just to have proof that it wasn’t totally meaningless. And if you had any interest in him pre hook-up, oxytocin will leave you longing for more. You will probably be checking your phone incessantly the next day for a text with a winky face and find yourself distracted by thoughts of him. This is painfully natural. Our desire to connect emotionally is amplified when we have connected physically because of the hormonal change in our brain AND because as women, we are emotional creatures – which is something to be cherished, celebrated and respected!
When a woman engages in a casual sexual encounter and does not ask for what she wants, stop what she doesn’t want, or feels rejected in any way, she is likely to experience what I call a post hookup hangover. This hangover stems from having a surge of bonding hormones pumping through your body without having anyone to bond to. You may feel disappointment, sadness, anger, guilt and/or shame because a ton of oxytocin has been released without any kind of emotional connection present with the other person to be a container for it. I’ve been working with women as one-on-one coaching clients, facilitating workshops, and speaking to large groups for seven years now and I have heard a lot of “day after” stories. I see a lot of pain and upset around feeling rejected after being so vulnerable, and anytime you get naked with someone it is vulnerable!
Additionally, women who are consciously walking on a spiritual path are even more susceptible to the post hookup hangover. Why? Because when we work to become more aware, we become more open and connected. A large part of our spiritual growth is about taking down the walls that have perpetuated a sense of disconnection. We naturally become more sensitive, attuned to our inner guidance, and our ability to check out decreases. So, if you do feel more open and expansive, it is very likely that you are going to feel a desire to connect on an emotional level with the person that you are connecting with on a physical level. Physical and sexual intimacy can be an amazing part of our spiritual life if we go into consciously and choose to engage with people that are willing and able to meet us at the level we are at. Otherwise, it can just feel empty and meaningless and honestly, is it really worth it?
Perhaps you draw the line at having casual sex, but consider whether drawing it even sooner could be an act of Self Love. Rethink your boundaries and get clear about how your choices with men are affecting you and contributing to the type of men you are attracting. The next time you are heading toward or find yourself in a hookup that is not with someone you have been dating or in a committed relationship with, please ask yourself these things:
1. Am I just doing this because I think it’s time to or because he seems really into me and I don’t want him to lose interest?
2. Am I engaging in a casual hookup to prove something to myself or someone else?
3. What are my boundaries and do I state them and honor them?
4. Am I doing things that I really don’t want to do or don’t feel good?
5. Am I allowing him to lead and maneuver through a bunch of moves rather than really being in tune with me/my body?
6. Am I more focused on performing or pleasing him rather than on my own physical pleasure?
7. Will I be totally okay and not disappointed AT ALL if I don’t hear from him tomorrow or ever again?
Be honest with yourself. I totally get that when hormones start firing (and especially if you add any kind of alcohol into the mix), your mind is not always that clear. This is why it’s so important to consider these things before you find yourself in a horizontal position. And trust me he is not going to like you more if you are sexual with him before you are ready to be or before you have built an emotional connection. The guy that is truly your match will go at your pace. Please discard any limiting beliefs that there is some “putting out” timeline that you are supposed to adhere to other than your own inner voice. Wait for the guy who takes you out on real dates, asks you questions about your life, and remembers that you really love Diet Dr. Pepper.
So is it ever possible for a woman to engage in meaningless, casual hookups without creating any emotional attachment, expectations, or longing for more? There are two conditions in which I have observed this to be possible. The first is when a woman is 100% comfortable and empowered in her own sexuality, totally asks for what she wants and honors her boundaries, has zero expectations, and is not looking for a relationship of any kind. The second is when the guy is WAY more into her than she is into him and delivers on the cuddling and calling. If a woman feels smothered by a guy she does not really like all that much, she is more likely to chalk it up to a good time and move on. Both of these situations are rare. More often I see women regretting casual hookups where they’ve gone further than they wanted to go or gone into it knowing that the guy was not into pursuing a relationship, but tried to convince themselves they’d be okay with having a purely physical/sexual experience.
Ladies, your body is sacred and your sexuality is an extension of your Spirit. Both are here for you to enjoy and express in ways that feel nourishing and pleasurable for you. Your heart is connected to your sexuality so when you open yourself up sexually, know that you are putting your sweet, loving and tender heart on the line. My encouragement to you is to explore ways to experience sensuality and express your sexuality in ways that don’t make you feel bad about yourself! Have fun, date, flirt and make a commitment to be self-honoring and authentic when it comes to hooking up.
If you are experiencing a hookup hangover, first of all forgive yourself and stop judging yourself. Navigating the waters of love and sex can be treacherous so go easy on you! Then, write in your journal what you learned from the experience, how it is helping you to clarify what you really want, and what you are committed to when moving forward. Take the reigns of your sexuality back into your own hands and enjoy a ride that feels more in alignment with the Truth of who you are and the kind of intimacy you want to share with someone.
I’d love for you to share your thoughts and experiences on this topic. Do you think it is possible for women to have casual hookups without creating an emotional connection or longing for more? And if you are ready to publicly commit to opting out of casual hookups that lead to hangovers, I invite you to claim that in the comment section below!

by Christine Hassler on October 12, 2011

Christine Hassler is an author, speaker, life coach and spiritual counselor dedicated to helping people answer the questions who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? You can check out her website here: http://www.christinehassler.com/

Don't forget to dream today.

Unconditional Receiving

What if you already had everything you ever wanted and just didn’t realize it? What if every need or desire that was in your best interest was ready to be met and fulfilled abundantly and the only thing standing in the way was you? What if you had a million dollars sitting in your bank account but you didn’t know it, so you lived a life of poverty?

Sounds crazy, right? A shame? A waste even! Yes, all of these things apply but the fact is that many of us live like this, failing to make the most of what we do have and focusing on what we don’t have.

Since I was a child, my parents have always given me an abundance of love and have provided for me in every way conceivable. As a kid, if I wanted something, I got it. You might even say I was spoiled rotten  I grew up having access to every opportunity and advantage I can think of. I went to a great school and my family supported me throughout university and law school, ensuring that I had access to every opportunity, all the while living comfortably. Even now, as I forge ahead with the choice to follow my heart and passion for music, leaving behind a promising legal career, my family has continued to give me nothing but their utmost love and support.

It doesn’t get much better than that, right? Right. I’ve been so blessed in my life and I am truly thankful for everything I’ve been given. But somehow, amidst all of this abundance and all these blessings, my ego has still found a way to keep me from being at peace. The voice in my head will often chime in: “You don’t deserve it,” “Why do you get to have it so easy while others struggle?” ”It’s too good to be true.” The truth is that it’s only too good to be true if I say so.

This is a perfect example of how clever and sneaky the ego can be. It thrives on keeping us in search of something that’s missing, on always feeling a sense of unease, keeping us in a perpetual state of searching but never finding, wanting but never being satisfied. In my case, in the absence of lack outside of myself, my ego found it elsewhere by questioning my own worth and worthiness of all the good things in my life.

What I am learning is the importance of ALLOWING the goodness to flow into my life. I am learning to graciously ACCEPT all the blessings and do everything I can to put any advantage I’ve been given to good use. Often times, our tendency is to overlook what we have and focus on what is missing or worse still, find some reason why we can’t fully enjoy what we already have. This is one of the more subtle forms of self-sabotage because in this state, we are not open to truly receiving what the Uni-verse wants to provide for us.

Somewhere along the way, we’ve been taught that we’re only worthy of love if we do X, Y, or Z. We only deserve to be successful or achieve our goals if we struggle or suffer in this way or that way. What if it doesn’t have to be that hard? What if there are forces at work that are desperately trying to help us have it all and the only thing stopping them is us?!

I believe that those forces do exist. I believe that our dreams and our calling are an invitation to love ourselves enough to allow the goodness in, to take action on behalf of our highest vision and to take a leap of faith. Once we do, the goodness will flow freely, our actions will be supported as we take steps towards our dream life and when we leap, the net will appear.

What I’m talking about is UNCONDITIONAL RECEIVING. Being willing to let the good stuff happen, believing that we deserve it and that it can happen to “little old me” for no other reason than the fact that we are who we are. Each and every one of us deserves the very best that life has to offer and the first step is to remove any condition we have placed upon our worthiness to receive it.

It begins with an attitude of gratitude and the ongoing acknowledgement of everything that we have to be grateful for. The next step is being open to what is coming our way, trusting that the Uni-verse has our back and loving ourselves enough to say YES to all of it.

Let the love in. Let the blessings in. Let the goodness in. You deserve it.

Much love,

Chris

by CHRIS ASSAAD on OCTOBER 29, 2011

Chris Assaad is a rad singer/songwriter and a TDL reader. Check out his website here.

Affirmations:

I love myself just as I am.

I create the perfect Love when I Love unconditionally.

I see Life through the eyes of Love.

No Excuses!

How important is health to you? Why do we seem to choose certain things in our lives over health and fitness? Isn’t being healthy, happy and feeling good the most important thing in life? I think most of us want to live a long, prosperous, healthy life but if that is true, then why would we sabotage that with terrible eating habits and minimal to no exercise? When did our bodies become last in line to everything else? When did our health become so unimportant that wasting hours surfing the Internet and filling up our days with to-do lists so long that we don’t have time to take care of ourselves?
It’s 2011 and we are quickly moving into 2012– yes, you all know that and as each year passes it seems like life gets busier and busier. How are we to stay healthy and fit in a world where we are constantly running around and just trying to get ahead by crossing things off our to-do list? I imagine that most of you reading this want to live a healthy, long life and that feeling good is important to you. Probably more important than looking good…even though that is an extra added bonus to taking good care of yourself.
When did the time we spend on other things in our life become more important than our health?? And I don’t mean quality time with your family or friends. I mean filling your schedule up with a lot of menial activities like watching TV, playing video games, spending time surfing the internet, texting, shopping, or anything else that could suck time away without you even being aware. With all the technology in our lives today, it’s so easy to spend 4 hours at a computer and not even blink an eye.  That’s 4 hours spent that you could’ve been used to exercise, plan meals and cook healthy food.
When I work with clients, the biggest complaint I hear is, “I don’t have enough time.” And then I ask, “You don’t have enough time to be healthy and take care of yourself?” When I frame it this way, most of my clients start to reconsider and reprioritize their lives. We all know about the oxygen mask in the airplane and that we always put ours on before our own children, and why is that? Well, I think you know. We MUST take care of ourselves before others, and that is not selfish, it’s actually in service to others because then we will be the best we can be to help our kids, our friends, our family, etc.
These days it seems most people want to find a short cut, a quick fix, or some magic potion or diet that will change their life.  I can understand that, yet that is not a long-term solution. The diet will help you in the immediate, but will not teach you how to be healthy or live a long life. Educating yourself, and switching your priorities, will. Wouldn’t an hour spent exercising, going for a walk or a hike in nature, running with your dog, cooking healthy, vibrant food fill your soul much more than surfing the net or spending hours on Facebook seeing what everyone else in the world is doing while you are wasting precious time away that could add value to your life??
I know that many of us have kids, and jobs and so many things to juggle, but those are just excuses. We use other people and things in our lives as an excuse. Oh, I have a deadline…oh, I work too much and I want to spend time with my family, yet the same person who says this then goes home and locks themselves up in an office and surfs the net for 2 hours or plops down on the couch in front of the TV instead of making a choice to workout or plan their food for the next day or even week. I am not saying that watching TV or surfing the net is bad, but if you are full of excuses why you have no time, then I ask you to take a second look at your life.
Being healthy doesn’t take a lot of time, it just takes commitment, dedication and a bit of hard work. Yes, there is a learning curve as there is with any new venture you take on. I don’t know about you, but my health is the most important part of my life, so I make sure that I schedule in my workouts every week, do my shopping on a Sunday for the upcoming week and prepare all my food so that I won’t be left at the mercy of “no time.” What choices can you make for yourself this week that will bring you closer to a healthier life? You don’t need to change it all over night. Just take small steps, implement little things into your life that will result in a positive outcome. Start to teach your family about eating healthy, get your friends involved, ask for support. Remember, there are NO excuses and if you think there are, then you don’t care enough about yourself to make a positive impact on others in your life, your family, the world and the most important person, YOU!

by Melissa Costello on October 29, 2011

Melissa is personal chef , wellness coach and nutrition educator. Check out her website here.

Take care of yourself:

When I ignore my own self care to make other people happy I've gone to far.

Acceptance

When I am not accepting something, I am not serene.

Affirmations:

I face today for what it is, today only.

I keep my attention on the present moment and let go of worrying about the future.

I keep my attention on the present moment and let my mind be renewed. The past can touch me not.