Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Mind Your Own Business!
Today I was talking to a friend I had not spoken with in awhile and realized how differently I felt compared to the last time I had spoken with him. I was so much happier and was in a completely different frame of mind. As I began thinking about what was new, not only did a flood of all my new opportunities flood into my mind, but also all the new choices I had made that led up to my newfound lifestyle. #1 I am getting much better at MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS! #2 I am choosing to be positive instead of assuming the worst. #3 I am starting to see things one day at a time rather than FUTURE TRIPPING. #4 I do my best never to sacifice my own health and sanity for any other person, period.
So as I was thinking about all of these changes in myself, I began to really see the value of minding my own business. Without minding my own business, I would not have the time or energy to work on myself or change the things I have. I am not proud of it, but I have been a mastermind at minding everyone else's business... super cool right? Sigh... For some reason I just seem to think that I know the best way that everyone should be living. Unfortunately, even if I were right about what they should be doing, I am doing myself a HUGE disservice because I've now cheated myself out of all that advice I could have used in my own life. Once I started focusing on my own business, I found I had PLENTY to work on... = ]
I began seeing things that made me unhappy that I had the ability to change them. I recognized ways that I was allowing people to treat me that I didn't like, and I focused on ways to respect myself. I revisited rusty dreams that I craved to achieve and I took steps to achieve them. There is no way that I could have even begun to improve myself if I was still involved in other people's junk. The other AMAZING thing that I have found since I began to get the hell out of other people's business is, as I got healthier, other people did too! People actually did BETTER without my advice! Unbelievable.
I love how when people have to answer their own questions, figure out their own finances, choose their own relationships, pick their own diet etc etc... they find empowerment and self respect. Oftentimes, they begin to make healthier decisions as they experience their own consequences and the dignity that comes with their own success and failure. I was never meant to take over other people's lives and make all their choices for them, and neither of us are happy when I try to make it work anyway. I was meant to live MY life and give people the dignity to make their own decisions whether I think they are right or not. When we operate the way we were meant to, life is beautiful!
So today what is one thing that you can let go of that maybe isn't your business? Are there untended things in your life that you have neglected because you haven't been taking care of your own business?
So as I was thinking about all of these changes in myself, I began to really see the value of minding my own business. Without minding my own business, I would not have the time or energy to work on myself or change the things I have. I am not proud of it, but I have been a mastermind at minding everyone else's business... super cool right? Sigh... For some reason I just seem to think that I know the best way that everyone should be living. Unfortunately, even if I were right about what they should be doing, I am doing myself a HUGE disservice because I've now cheated myself out of all that advice I could have used in my own life. Once I started focusing on my own business, I found I had PLENTY to work on... = ]
I began seeing things that made me unhappy that I had the ability to change them. I recognized ways that I was allowing people to treat me that I didn't like, and I focused on ways to respect myself. I revisited rusty dreams that I craved to achieve and I took steps to achieve them. There is no way that I could have even begun to improve myself if I was still involved in other people's junk. The other AMAZING thing that I have found since I began to get the hell out of other people's business is, as I got healthier, other people did too! People actually did BETTER without my advice! Unbelievable.
I love how when people have to answer their own questions, figure out their own finances, choose their own relationships, pick their own diet etc etc... they find empowerment and self respect. Oftentimes, they begin to make healthier decisions as they experience their own consequences and the dignity that comes with their own success and failure. I was never meant to take over other people's lives and make all their choices for them, and neither of us are happy when I try to make it work anyway. I was meant to live MY life and give people the dignity to make their own decisions whether I think they are right or not. When we operate the way we were meant to, life is beautiful!
So today what is one thing that you can let go of that maybe isn't your business? Are there untended things in your life that you have neglected because you haven't been taking care of your own business?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
The Cost
To not live your dreams costs you 8 hours a day 5 days a week. What price is actually living your dreams worth?
Affirmations:
I stay just a little bit longer than I normally would and see the miracles unfold.
I am grateful for the challenge to become even more.
I am strong enough to weather ANY storm!!
I am grateful for the challenge to become even more.
I am strong enough to weather ANY storm!!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Kick Your Fears to the Curb
So I don't know who besides me has trouble with fear, but I have been thinking about it alot lately. There are many choices in my life that have been guided by my fears, insecurities, and doubts. One thing in particular has caught my attention. Follow through. Sometimes I will get the courage up to achieve one of my dreams, only to get eaten up by my fears and doubts. I start listening to people around me who affirm my fears and discourage taking a risk. So I start, but don't complete. This not only is sad that I didn't complete what I set out to do, but it also reaffirms for the next time that "I just can't do it." It makes me feel silly for ever trying. And so the cycle continues. And dreams go on unfinished.
This time, I have started two dreams that scare me. I have applied for an online master's degree program, and I have started a new business that I REALLY enjoy. I am a little scared to succeed at both of them. I have doubts, and I have plenty of people reminding me of how hard it is going to be. It's tempting to quit before I fail. But what if I don't? What if I don't... If I don't fail, but rather succeed, I will be abundantly more fulfilled than with the things I have settled for now AND I will have opened up far more doors for me to follow even bigger dreams. You gotta start somewhere right? The biggest part for me is talking myself through it and convincing myself not to give in to my fears. My fears keep me in a safe bubble of mediocrity. What is the point of choosing a life that is safe but miserable? Is safety really worth all that much? The people in history that have achieved the most were never afraid to lose everything. Why don't we live with that kind of faith? I know that I crave it. And there is no reason not to claim it.
This time, I have started two dreams that scare me. I have applied for an online master's degree program, and I have started a new business that I REALLY enjoy. I am a little scared to succeed at both of them. I have doubts, and I have plenty of people reminding me of how hard it is going to be. It's tempting to quit before I fail. But what if I don't? What if I don't... If I don't fail, but rather succeed, I will be abundantly more fulfilled than with the things I have settled for now AND I will have opened up far more doors for me to follow even bigger dreams. You gotta start somewhere right? The biggest part for me is talking myself through it and convincing myself not to give in to my fears. My fears keep me in a safe bubble of mediocrity. What is the point of choosing a life that is safe but miserable? Is safety really worth all that much? The people in history that have achieved the most were never afraid to lose everything. Why don't we live with that kind of faith? I know that I crave it. And there is no reason not to claim it.
Affirmations:
I see the miracle in the middle of the chaos.
I see the miracle in the middle of the destruction.
I see the miracle in the middle of the loss.
I see the miracle in every aspect of what leaves my life.
I am grateful for it all.
I see the miracle in the middle of the destruction.
I see the miracle in the middle of the loss.
I see the miracle in every aspect of what leaves my life.
I am grateful for it all.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Create Your Positive
So I've been trying this new thing. Positivity. No matter what. I truly believe that it's all about perspective. That means if I'm bummed or upset about something, I am just choosing to see it in a negative light. I have the power to choose to simply focus on the positive, or better yet CREATE THE POSITIVE. So little by little, I am trying to put that thought into practice. What's funny is I have taught about positivity, talked about it, preached it, etc etc... but I don't think I ever really believed it or integrated it: BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO IT. So I've turned that page.
It hasn't been easy so far; sometimes I will still catch myself whining about a situation I'm in, or about a person I wish would act differently. The difference now is that I realize being negative is my choice and that it will not solve anything or make me any happier about the situation. Now, if I feel down, I can choose to see the pros, I can call a positive friend, or I can read uplifting literature. And my day automatically is propelled forward. That situation now created a positive flow in my life because I allowed it to do so. I have found it is totally worth the effort to be positive. I am overall much happier, and far more productive. Believe it or not, I feel like I have a ton more energy to reach out to more people around me and I enjoy them. Before, I felt utterly exhausted by people and all I wished for was to get away. Amazing isn't it? Our thoughts are POWERFUL! What type of thoughts do you find yourself dwelling on? Are caught up in negativity, or do you choose to see the positive?
It hasn't been easy so far; sometimes I will still catch myself whining about a situation I'm in, or about a person I wish would act differently. The difference now is that I realize being negative is my choice and that it will not solve anything or make me any happier about the situation. Now, if I feel down, I can choose to see the pros, I can call a positive friend, or I can read uplifting literature. And my day automatically is propelled forward. That situation now created a positive flow in my life because I allowed it to do so. I have found it is totally worth the effort to be positive. I am overall much happier, and far more productive. Believe it or not, I feel like I have a ton more energy to reach out to more people around me and I enjoy them. Before, I felt utterly exhausted by people and all I wished for was to get away. Amazing isn't it? Our thoughts are POWERFUL! What type of thoughts do you find yourself dwelling on? Are caught up in negativity, or do you choose to see the positive?
Your Choice
"Whatever the present moment contains, accept is as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life."
- Eckhart Tolle, is the best-selling author of "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth".
- Eckhart Tolle, is the best-selling author of "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth".
Friday, November 25, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Why be a Holiday Hater?
In the past few years, I feel that I have really missed out on the holidays due to my attitude. For some reason, I began feeling that the holidays were a nuisance. They just got in the way of my routine, and was just too good to pause my schedule for pesky, feel good, sentimental holidays. I'm not sure exactly when I started feeling a little too good for the holidays, all I know is that I robbed myself of a lot of serenity each year that I could have been simply enjoying the blessings God had given me.
This year, I have decided to have an open mind about the holidays. And you know what? I think it is pretty awesome that we have a whole holiday to focus on what we are grateful for! Too often I get caught up in complaining and whining about what I don't have and what isn't going my way. Funny thing is, I used to whine about the holidays more than anything... isn't that ironic? Why is it that I have such a hard time being thankful for what I DO have and what IS working in my favor? So this year, Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be a time of reflection and gratitude for me. I'm going to enjoy putting up the Christmas tree that stayed in the garage last year. I'm going to make pies and hot chocolate. I'm going to listen to Christmas music. It's crazy to me that I used the holidays as an excuse to grumble even more than usual! How absurd! It feels good to find enjoyment in every situation I am given, especially the ones that were never meant to be bad in the first place. How are you choosing to feel about the holidays this year?
This year, I have decided to have an open mind about the holidays. And you know what? I think it is pretty awesome that we have a whole holiday to focus on what we are grateful for! Too often I get caught up in complaining and whining about what I don't have and what isn't going my way. Funny thing is, I used to whine about the holidays more than anything... isn't that ironic? Why is it that I have such a hard time being thankful for what I DO have and what IS working in my favor? So this year, Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be a time of reflection and gratitude for me. I'm going to enjoy putting up the Christmas tree that stayed in the garage last year. I'm going to make pies and hot chocolate. I'm going to listen to Christmas music. It's crazy to me that I used the holidays as an excuse to grumble even more than usual! How absurd! It feels good to find enjoyment in every situation I am given, especially the ones that were never meant to be bad in the first place. How are you choosing to feel about the holidays this year?
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Feelings and Failure
The last few days for me have been dark and a little tormented. Sometimes I get in this rut where I just can't seem to shake off my negative feelings. Yesterday, I became very frustrated with my inability to manage my own emotions and feelings. I felt like I was failing at every method of solution I tried. Today, as I am processing my feelings and the emotions I have experienced, I see that I would not be able to learn about myself and my path without experiencing a little frustration with myself. My frustration shows me areas in which I need to change. Not ways that others need to change for me, but ways that I need change. And sometimes, even in my frustration, I am not ready for that change, so I am merely experiencing the growing pains that prepare me for decisions. I can look forward to the time when I can act on my feelings and create change that I am happy with, instead of berating myself for the ways that I was unable to change yesterday. In this way, I am allowed to be aware of my feelings without being tyrannized by them.
Yesterday was dark, I am still disappointed with the ways I chose not to take care of myself, of the silence that I chose instead of speaking up, of the boundaries that I didn't set, and of the resentments I chose to hold. Even though yesterday is hard for me to accept, I am going to choose to be gentle with myself. I know I did the best I could with the circumstances I had. Failure is necessary to experience success. And I know if I am faithful to learn each day, I will be successful. How have your feelings and failures changed you?
Yesterday was dark, I am still disappointed with the ways I chose not to take care of myself, of the silence that I chose instead of speaking up, of the boundaries that I didn't set, and of the resentments I chose to hold. Even though yesterday is hard for me to accept, I am going to choose to be gentle with myself. I know I did the best I could with the circumstances I had. Failure is necessary to experience success. And I know if I am faithful to learn each day, I will be successful. How have your feelings and failures changed you?
What's Worth it to You?
"You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you. If you don't have that kind of feeling for what it is you are doing, you'll stop at the first giant hurdle."
- George Lucas, is the creator of Star Wars, Indiana Jones. His best work is obviously "Howard the Duck"!
- George Lucas, is the creator of Star Wars, Indiana Jones. His best work is obviously "Howard the Duck"!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Affirmations:
Today is an adventure!
Today, I see everything as a gift, a challenge and a blessing pushing me to grow!
I am grateful for all that happens today, including and especially anything that seems difficult.
Today, I see everything as a gift, a challenge and a blessing pushing me to grow!
I am grateful for all that happens today, including and especially anything that seems difficult.
Own This Moment
Thinking about everything involved with attempting to living in the moment, I really see how I have shorthanded myself with all of my worry and fear. When I worry, doubt, criticize, and allow my thoughts to become destructive, I not only lose the time and effort that it took to think all those things, but I also have placed myself on a path that makes my life unmanagable and unproductive. I become frozen in fear and overwhelmed hopelessness. How sad. I know that I have the potential to be so much, but when I allow my own thoughts to get in the way, they can rob me of everything I have to offer myself. I must choose to redirect my thoughts when they become negative and based in the past or future, otherwise I am in serious danger of losing my serenity and success. When I take my situation exactly for what it holds in THIS MOMENT, it generally is something I am capable of handling successfully and positively. So why do I catastrophize and project the worst outcome on my future?
Today I will choose to see each situation as it is right now. There is no reason to assign a negative outcome so I will refuse to do so. I do not need to get overwhelmed by all the doom and gloom "what if's" that may or may not happen, because all of that is not even reality. I will own only this present, and will not own the future until it chooses to find me. I will choose today to base my thoughts on what is real right now, and take things as they come. And actually, life is really beautiful in this moment. How will you choose to live this moment?
Today I will choose to see each situation as it is right now. There is no reason to assign a negative outcome so I will refuse to do so. I do not need to get overwhelmed by all the doom and gloom "what if's" that may or may not happen, because all of that is not even reality. I will own only this present, and will not own the future until it chooses to find me. I will choose today to base my thoughts on what is real right now, and take things as they come. And actually, life is really beautiful in this moment. How will you choose to live this moment?
Living in Today
I suspect that if I reclaimed all the minutes, hours, and days I've sacrificed to worry and fear, I'd add years to my life. When I succumb to worry, I open a Pandora's box of terrifying pictures, paranoid voices, and relentless self-criticism. The more attention I pay to this mental static, the more I lose my foothold in reality. Then nothing useful can be accomplished.
To break the cycle of worry and fear, I'm learning to focus all my attention on this very moment. I can turn away from destructive thoughts and concentrate instead on the sights and sounds around me: light and shadows, the earth beneath my feet, the pulse of everyday living - all pieces of the hear and now. These bits of reality help rescue me from "what- if's" and "should have's" by anchoring me in the present. Prayer and meditation, the slogans, and phone calls to Al-Anon friends are other sources of serenity that bring me back to this moment. As I shut out the noise, I am more receptive to my Higher Power's will, and therefore much more able to work my way through difficult times.
This is the day I have to work with, and it is all I need. If I am tempted to worry about tomorrow's concerns, I will gently bring my mind back to today.
"The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exist. Ours only is the present's tiny point." - Mahmud Shabistari
- From Courage to Change, January 10
To break the cycle of worry and fear, I'm learning to focus all my attention on this very moment. I can turn away from destructive thoughts and concentrate instead on the sights and sounds around me: light and shadows, the earth beneath my feet, the pulse of everyday living - all pieces of the hear and now. These bits of reality help rescue me from "what- if's" and "should have's" by anchoring me in the present. Prayer and meditation, the slogans, and phone calls to Al-Anon friends are other sources of serenity that bring me back to this moment. As I shut out the noise, I am more receptive to my Higher Power's will, and therefore much more able to work my way through difficult times.
This is the day I have to work with, and it is all I need. If I am tempted to worry about tomorrow's concerns, I will gently bring my mind back to today.
"The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exist. Ours only is the present's tiny point." - Mahmud Shabistari
- From Courage to Change, January 10
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Be True to You
Today, I am celebrating the grace that God has shown me. I am facing a difficult situation today, but I am thankful of the timing. See I would not have been able to handle this particular situation and difficulty previous to this time. I have been learning so much about the importance of taking care of myself that I have a clear picture of my priorities today. Now, instead of a problem being so complicated that my head swims in overwhelmed panic, I can ask myself: what decision would take the best care of me? Or: If I go this direction, is that going to be true to my own needs? If I cannot answer positively to these questions, then I know I have not made the best decision. I now understand that my number one responsibility is to take care of myself. In this way, I am choosing what is best for everyone, not just myself. When I am true to myself, I am giving people the only thing that they deserve from me: my happiness. It is not my responsibility to take care of other people, especially if taking care of them means short changing myself. When I give myself the health that I NEED, I am capable of inspiring and healing so many other people around me!
Sometimes this means making some very difficult decisions. When we allow people to take things from us that affect our own health, sometimes it is necessary to stop giving them what they may think they deserve. While many times this may feel cruel, in reality it is the most loving thing that could be done. Sometimes people need to be given the opportunity to do something for themselves before they see how much they are capable of. When we give a person the dignity to take care of himself, we get to sit back and watch them shine! It just is simply not fair to rob someone of the opportunity to learn of the abilities God has given him! I mean, how many times did you have to struggle, fail, succeed, in order to learn what you know today? It may have been painful, but it has shaped who you are. Don't take that journey away from those that you love.
So today, what is one thing that you are doing for someone that maybe they could do for themselves? Can you hand them the power to prove to themselves and the world that they are talented and capable of taking care of themselves?
Sometimes this means making some very difficult decisions. When we allow people to take things from us that affect our own health, sometimes it is necessary to stop giving them what they may think they deserve. While many times this may feel cruel, in reality it is the most loving thing that could be done. Sometimes people need to be given the opportunity to do something for themselves before they see how much they are capable of. When we give a person the dignity to take care of himself, we get to sit back and watch them shine! It just is simply not fair to rob someone of the opportunity to learn of the abilities God has given him! I mean, how many times did you have to struggle, fail, succeed, in order to learn what you know today? It may have been painful, but it has shaped who you are. Don't take that journey away from those that you love.
So today, what is one thing that you are doing for someone that maybe they could do for themselves? Can you hand them the power to prove to themselves and the world that they are talented and capable of taking care of themselves?
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
One Step Towards My Dream Today
As I have been pondering my dreams and how to begin my journey towards them, it has brought up alot of feelings of inadequacy, fear, and indecision. I have recognized, however, that despite these feelings I am happier knowing that I am facing them rather than sweeping them under the rug like usual. I cannot make any progress until I face my painful feelings and deal with them. I think that one reason I avoided seeking my dreams in the past was simply feeling overwhelmed. I want so much. My dreams are big. They are overwhelming when I think of doing it all at once. But I don't have to do it all today, or even this year! So where do I start? I feel like one big fool for thinking I am capable of such things. Wow! Do you see how I just held myself back? I will never achieve my dreams if I continue to think like this...
So yesterday, I decided to take a step even if it feels shaky. Even if it felt like Jill Page is not strong enough, big enough, smart enough, enough WHATEVER, I'm going to believe that I am big enough for this first step and I have faith that the rest will follow after that, just one day at a time. So today: I have begun the process to enroll in myself into a gratuate program that I have wanted to do for a long time. I also signed up to start a business I have pondered starting for a long time, but just had many self doubts holding me back. These steps felt good. And they were not too much for today. Tomorrow I will take another step to achieve these goals. What step are you taking towards your goals today?
So yesterday, I decided to take a step even if it feels shaky. Even if it felt like Jill Page is not strong enough, big enough, smart enough, enough WHATEVER, I'm going to believe that I am big enough for this first step and I have faith that the rest will follow after that, just one day at a time. So today: I have begun the process to enroll in myself into a gratuate program that I have wanted to do for a long time. I also signed up to start a business I have pondered starting for a long time, but just had many self doubts holding me back. These steps felt good. And they were not too much for today. Tomorrow I will take another step to achieve these goals. What step are you taking towards your goals today?
What Life is Waiting for You?
"If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."
- Joseph Campbell, was a world famous mythologist, professor, mentor to George Lucas and his works have aided in the creation of Star Wars, The Matrix, Lion King, Titanic, Harry Potter and MANY others. His work defines the journey of life.
- Joseph Campbell, was a world famous mythologist, professor, mentor to George Lucas and his works have aided in the creation of Star Wars, The Matrix, Lion King, Titanic, Harry Potter and MANY others. His work defines the journey of life.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Don't Settle!
When you go to someone’s house for the first time, you can learn a lot about what their expectations are by observing them in action. Do they wear shoes inside? If not, you know to take off your shoes at the door before going into the house. Do they put coasters down for their drinks or are they ok with a little moisture on their tabletop?
In the same way, though we may not realize it, we teach others how to treat us by the way that we treat ourselves. If we set the bar high in our relationship with ourselves by loving and taking good care of ourselves, other people will implicitly learn from us that we are worthy of love and nurture. If we treat ourselves with reverence and respect, people in our lives will get the message and will be more likely to treat us accordingly. A simple example of this is how we manage our time. If we are punctual and always careful about how we spend our time, others will learn not to waste it… Or else!
When it comes to relationships, whether personal, business or intimate, we have a major part to play in letting others know what is cool and what is not. So it’s important for us to establish for ourselves the kind of relationships we want to have, to act accordingly and lead by example.
We can’t control what anyone else does or says but we can decide what is acceptable to us. If we allow a certain pattern of behavior to go on unchecked, we are basically implicitly communicating that it’s ok. There’s a fine line between being generous and allowing people to take advantage of us, between being forgiving and putting up with abuse, between kindness and weakness. It’s up to us to establish that line and set our boundaries.
Another important aspect of this is how we treat others. It goes without saying that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. But just because we treat someone a certain way, that doesn’t ensure they are going to reciprocate. This is where it’s important for us to know for ourselves what kind of person we want to be regardless of what anyone else does. Establishing this, as well as what we want out of a given relationship, gives us a good reference point and a measure by which we can decide whether or not we’re fulfilled with the status quo. Ask yourself: Is this relationship bringing the best out of me? Is it providing me with what I want or need? If not, you can choose to speak up in hopes of effecting a change, walk away or consider compromising and accepting things as they are.
Ultimately, it’s up to us to decide what stays and what goes. It’s up to us to love ourselves enough to make sure we get what we deserve in our relationships. It’s up to us to know what we want out of life and go after it.
So know your own your worth, set the bar high and don’t settle for anything less!
Chris Assaad is a singer/songwriter
In the same way, though we may not realize it, we teach others how to treat us by the way that we treat ourselves. If we set the bar high in our relationship with ourselves by loving and taking good care of ourselves, other people will implicitly learn from us that we are worthy of love and nurture. If we treat ourselves with reverence and respect, people in our lives will get the message and will be more likely to treat us accordingly. A simple example of this is how we manage our time. If we are punctual and always careful about how we spend our time, others will learn not to waste it… Or else!
When it comes to relationships, whether personal, business or intimate, we have a major part to play in letting others know what is cool and what is not. So it’s important for us to establish for ourselves the kind of relationships we want to have, to act accordingly and lead by example.
We can’t control what anyone else does or says but we can decide what is acceptable to us. If we allow a certain pattern of behavior to go on unchecked, we are basically implicitly communicating that it’s ok. There’s a fine line between being generous and allowing people to take advantage of us, between being forgiving and putting up with abuse, between kindness and weakness. It’s up to us to establish that line and set our boundaries.
Another important aspect of this is how we treat others. It goes without saying that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. But just because we treat someone a certain way, that doesn’t ensure they are going to reciprocate. This is where it’s important for us to know for ourselves what kind of person we want to be regardless of what anyone else does. Establishing this, as well as what we want out of a given relationship, gives us a good reference point and a measure by which we can decide whether or not we’re fulfilled with the status quo. Ask yourself: Is this relationship bringing the best out of me? Is it providing me with what I want or need? If not, you can choose to speak up in hopes of effecting a change, walk away or consider compromising and accepting things as they are.
Ultimately, it’s up to us to decide what stays and what goes. It’s up to us to love ourselves enough to make sure we get what we deserve in our relationships. It’s up to us to know what we want out of life and go after it.
So know your own your worth, set the bar high and don’t settle for anything less!
Chris Assaad is a singer/songwriter
Monday, November 14, 2011
Reminder:
If u want to SHINE put the dark days of your past BEHIND. The present is a brand new opportunity to reinvent yourself!
I Choose Life
When I think about the goals in my life and the things that BRING me to life, I can get overwhelmed. I know that I have settled for things in my life that are not consistent with who I am or who I am becoming. So what now? How do I get back to fulfilling my purpose? Well as I look back on my decisions, I see that I have gotten off my path when I have become scared. I have made decisions to keep myself safe and certain. I have doubted God's ability to take care of me while I follow the destiny I was gifted with. So, I have accomplished keeping the things in my life that I am terrified of losing, but at what expense? Feeling enitrely unfulfilled and empty. I know deep down that I am not doing what I was meant to do. I have settled and sold myself short because I am terrified of taking a risk. The thing is, if I would just be true to myself, I would most likely find more security, peace, and joy than I ever thought possible. This is something that I am going to work towards one step at a time. Even if it is painful and frightening.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Affirmations:
I stay open and enjoy taking risks.
I trust that God is bringing me the perfect moment with the perfect lessons. I stay open to receive this gift.
I see EVERYTHING that happens as happening for my greatest good.
I trust that God is bringing me the perfect moment with the perfect lessons. I stay open to receive this gift.
I see EVERYTHING that happens as happening for my greatest good.
Thoughts about resentment
While reading the article that I posted below, I felt a great sense of affirmation about so many things I have learned. I have struggled with resentment for all of my life, although I didn't realize it until this year when it almost ruined me. I had become so resentful and angry that it had begun to blind me to all the love and blessings I possess in my life. I knew at that point that I was really sick, only I had no idea how to fix it and life seemed pretty confusing and disoriented. I genuinely thought that it was other people's fault and if they would just change then everything would be alright. Thankfully, God had a lesson in mind and didn't let me linger in that darkness for too long. He began teaching me through others that it was not others, but rather myself, that was making my life toxic.
I had been expecting everyone around me to respect me and my boundaries without me having to set them. I was placing my personal responsibility on other people. Then I began to realize that every time I became resentful about something, it was usually because I had bent one of my boundaries and I was angry at myself. Sometimes I would say no, when really I wanted to say yes. Sometimes I would allow someone to disrespect me when I really wanted to tell them to stop. When I finally stopped blaming other people for the disrespect I was showing myself, I noticed something awesome. I had the power over my resentments! If I was true to myself: I would make choices based on what was healthy for me. I would say no if that was respectful to me. I would walk away if someone was saying something disrespectful to me. I still struggle with being true to myself. It is a process. But now, I know exactly where my angry feelings came from and I know how to handle it next time. It is great to have the courage to change me!
I had been expecting everyone around me to respect me and my boundaries without me having to set them. I was placing my personal responsibility on other people. Then I began to realize that every time I became resentful about something, it was usually because I had bent one of my boundaries and I was angry at myself. Sometimes I would say no, when really I wanted to say yes. Sometimes I would allow someone to disrespect me when I really wanted to tell them to stop. When I finally stopped blaming other people for the disrespect I was showing myself, I noticed something awesome. I had the power over my resentments! If I was true to myself: I would make choices based on what was healthy for me. I would say no if that was respectful to me. I would walk away if someone was saying something disrespectful to me. I still struggle with being true to myself. It is a process. But now, I know exactly where my angry feelings came from and I know how to handle it next time. It is great to have the courage to change me!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
My Changes
Where to start... well this road has been a long one. I have found out more about myself in the last year than I have in a very long time. It has been a dark year, full of tears and plain cold truth. The last few months, however, have been enlightened and full of grace. I can only thank the darkness for bringing that change to my life. It is the darkness that brought me to my knees and drove me to the light. It is the darkness that brought me to see my part in my pain. I now can own my pain and own my responsibility. I am learning how to take care of myself. Slowly, I am taking care of my body, my mind, my emotions, and my physical wellbeing. It is a process and I am just grasping change toward the better, but I know the door has opened now and the change will continue to flow greater and greater. I am welcoming the healing to come.
Today, I am focusing on taking care of my body and my financial well-being. I had ignored my body's demands for attention for many months due to my financial inability to pay for my needs. Or so I thought. I was really just choosing to through my money down a never ending pit called "other people's needs." So now it is time for me. Time for me to stop giving away my health and my sanity. Time for me to spend a few extra dollars on wholesome food. On alternative supplements. On the mammogram and ultrasound I needed months ago. On a biospy of the seven tumors that now linger in my left breast. This is the first step I will take to get healthy. And then I will take another.
Today, I am focusing on taking care of my body and my financial well-being. I had ignored my body's demands for attention for many months due to my financial inability to pay for my needs. Or so I thought. I was really just choosing to through my money down a never ending pit called "other people's needs." So now it is time for me. Time for me to stop giving away my health and my sanity. Time for me to spend a few extra dollars on wholesome food. On alternative supplements. On the mammogram and ultrasound I needed months ago. On a biospy of the seven tumors that now linger in my left breast. This is the first step I will take to get healthy. And then I will take another.
Who are you going to be today?
The desire that you have in your soul to become whatever you want to become is real. It's a part of you that is calling out to be seen, heard, felt and acted on. Whatever you want to become, know this: you ALREADY ARE.
So stop trying to become it. Instead, act as if you already are it and watch how magically life unfolds.
Instead of pining or buying into doubt - start TAKING ACTION as if you already are what you want to become.
In other words - BE WHAT YOU SEEK!
Start putting yourself in places and environments that are in alignment with your dreams. Want to be an actor? Get your ass to LA or NY and start doing what actors do. What to be a writer? Start taking actions that writers write and be in environments that writers are in. What to get in shape? Put yourself in health and fitness environments. Stop hanging out at McDonalds and start hanging out at the gym. Don't bring unhealthy food into the house.
Our environment, far greater than anything else, dictates the quality AND trajectory of our life. If you want to be a painter, go be with painters and start creating rituals that a painter would have. If you want to start a business, be around other entrepreneurs, absorb news on entrepreneurs and get busy taking risks like entrepreneurs do.
Also, and this is VERY important - surround yourself with people who already have what you want. If you hang out with people who have never achieved the dream you're dreaming - they are probably going to give you bad advice. Most people aren't living their dream - most people are living their nightmare and so they will give you advice on how to live your nightmare, too.
Environment plays a major role in how your life will turn out - so does the types of people you are hanging with. If you want your dreams to come true, start hanging in places where they already are and with people who can help guide your way. It's possible to achieve your dreams; you just gotta make sure you are on the side of making them come true, instead of doubting that they exist. Show people who are living their nightmare that it's totally possible to live their dreams by showing them yours. Be a light.
Know that you already are the dream and start taking action until you produce the result in real life. Keep going. Try until it happens and don't stop until then.
Love & passion,
Mastin
So stop trying to become it. Instead, act as if you already are it and watch how magically life unfolds.
Instead of pining or buying into doubt - start TAKING ACTION as if you already are what you want to become.
In other words - BE WHAT YOU SEEK!
Start putting yourself in places and environments that are in alignment with your dreams. Want to be an actor? Get your ass to LA or NY and start doing what actors do. What to be a writer? Start taking actions that writers write and be in environments that writers are in. What to get in shape? Put yourself in health and fitness environments. Stop hanging out at McDonalds and start hanging out at the gym. Don't bring unhealthy food into the house.
Our environment, far greater than anything else, dictates the quality AND trajectory of our life. If you want to be a painter, go be with painters and start creating rituals that a painter would have. If you want to start a business, be around other entrepreneurs, absorb news on entrepreneurs and get busy taking risks like entrepreneurs do.
Also, and this is VERY important - surround yourself with people who already have what you want. If you hang out with people who have never achieved the dream you're dreaming - they are probably going to give you bad advice. Most people aren't living their dream - most people are living their nightmare and so they will give you advice on how to live your nightmare, too.
Environment plays a major role in how your life will turn out - so does the types of people you are hanging with. If you want your dreams to come true, start hanging in places where they already are and with people who can help guide your way. It's possible to achieve your dreams; you just gotta make sure you are on the side of making them come true, instead of doubting that they exist. Show people who are living their nightmare that it's totally possible to live their dreams by showing them yours. Be a light.
Know that you already are the dream and start taking action until you produce the result in real life. Keep going. Try until it happens and don't stop until then.
Love & passion,
Mastin
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Adoption Awareness: How much do you know?
Foster Care
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
Over 500,000 children in the U.S. currently reside in some form of foster care. Placements in foster care have dramatically increased over the past 10 years. Despite the increasing numbers, children in foster care and foster parents are mostly invisible in communities and often lack many needed supports and resources. In situations of abuse and neglect, children may be removed from their parents home by a child welfare agency and placed in foster care. Other reasons for foster placement include severe behavioral problems in the child and/or a variety of parental problems, such as abandonment, illness (physical or emotional), incarceration, AIDS, alcohol/substance abuse, and death.African-American children make up approximately two thirds of the foster care population and remain in care longer. Two out of three children who enter foster care are reunited with their birth parents within two years. A significant number, however, can spend long periods of time in care awaiting adoption or other permanent arrangement. Making decisions about the future for a child in foster care is called permanency planning. Options include: returning the child to his/her birth parents; termination of parental rights (a formal legal procedure) to be followed, hopefully, by adoption; or long-term care with foster parents or relatives. Most states encourage efforts to provide the birth parents with support and needed services (e.g. mental health or drug/alcohol treatment, parent skills, training and assistance with child care and/or adequate housing) so their child can be returned to them. When parental rights have been terminated by the court, most states will try to place children with relatives (kinship foster carerelative placement which may lead to adoption by the relative.
Being removed from their home and placed in foster care is a difficult and stressful experience for any child. Many of these children have suffered some form of serious abuse or neglect. About 30% of children in foster care have severe emotional, behavioral, or developmental problems. Physical health problems are also common. Most children, however, show remarkable resiliency and determination to go on with their lives. Children in foster care often struggle with the following issues:
- blaming themselves and feeling guilty about removal from their birth parents
- wishing to return to birth parents even if they were abused by them
- feeling unwanted if awaiting adoption for a long time
- feeling helpless about multiple changes in foster parents over time
- having mixed emotions about attaching to foster parents
- feeling insecure and uncertain about their future
- reluctantly acknowledging positive feelings for foster parents
Reimbursement rates for foster parents are lower in most states than the true costs of providing routine care for the child. Important challenges for foster parents include:
- recognizing the limits of their emotional attachment to the child
- understanding mixed feelings toward the childs birth parents
- recognizing their difficulties in letting the child return to birth parents
- dealing with the complex needs (emotional, physical, etc.) of children in their care
- working with sponsoring social agencies
- finding needed support services in the community
- dealing with the child's emotions and behavior following visits with birth parents
For additional information about foster care contact the Child Welfare League of America (CWLA) 440 First Street, NW, Third Floor, Washington, D.C. 20001-2085.
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) represents over 6,500 child and adolescent psychiatrists who are physicians with at least five years of additional training beyond medical school in general (adult) and child and adolescent psychiatry.
Facts for Families is developed and distributed by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP). Facts sheets may be reproduced for personal or educational use without written permission, but cannot be included in material presented for sale.
Affirmations:
I create enough time to make all my dreams come true.
I create & attract enough money to make my dreams come true.
I make the things I love a priority in my life.
I create & attract enough money to make my dreams come true.
I make the things I love a priority in my life.
Move Your Money: Invest in a New World
Nearly a decade ago, we threw a party on Wall Street where we gave away $10,000 outside the Stock Exchange. The money had formerly been invested in stocks but was divested, broken into thousands of small bills and coins that were dumped at the NYSE entrance, where we invited homeless folks from around New York to join the party.
As the opening bell kicked off the day's trading, we blew a ram's horn and announced the Jubilee vision, and money fell from the sky. You can catch a few glimpses of it here:
The ancient Jubilee was God's alternative to the patterns of inequality. It was a systematic interruption of injustice -- where property was redistributed, debts were forgiven, and slaves were set free. It was God's way of making sure masses of people do not live in poverty while a handful of folks live however they wish.
No doubt Wall Street has some things to learn about Jubilee. Jubilee was God's alternative to the patterns of Wall Street.
As the Occupy Wall Street movement catches the world's attention, those of us who are critical of Wall Street have a responsibility. We can't just be defined by what we are against, but should be known by what we are for.
After all, the word "protest" originally meant "public declaration". It wasn't just about being against something, but it was about declaring something new and better. "Protest" shares the same root as "testify".
It's time to protest-ify.
Gandhi spoke about the need for a "constructive program" -- insisting that the best critique of what is wrong is the practice of something better. So his movement started making their own clothes and marching to the sea to get their own salt. They were building a new society in the shell of the old one.
I think the Occupy movement is off to a good start, and will continue to be a catalyst for change … as long as it stays nonviolent and humble.
The Occupy folks may not have all the answers but they are stirring up the right questions. Saying "no" to the way things are is the first step towards a better future.
Something is wrong with a world that continues to privatize wealth and subsidize debt.
There is an entire generation that is saying no to a world where the average worker makes $7 an hour while the average CEO makes over $1500 an hour.
The world is saying no to the patterns where 1% of the world is using up 36% of its wealth.
We can do better. And we must.
But saying no to Wall Street is only the beginning. We need to create alternatives to Wall Street.
I got excited this week when I heard about "Move Your Money Day," one of the concrete constructive-program suggestions coming out of the Occupy Wall Street movement.
On Nov. 5 folks all over the world will divest from Wall Street and its banks … in order to invest in a better world.
Ideologies alone are not enough. There came a point in the movement to abolish slavery where ideology required responsibility. As one abolitionist said, "The only way to be a good slave-owner is to refuse to be a slave-owner." To truly be against slavery also meant that you didn't drink sugar in your tea, because sugar was produced with slave labor.
So on November 5, my wife and I will be joining the "Move Your Money" celebration, moving our money from Bank of America to the non-profit credit union here in Philadelphia.
It is one small step away from the vicious cycle that continues to see money transfer from the increasingly poor to the increasingly rich.
It is trying to take to heart Jesus' command to "Get the log out" of my own eye.
It is a move towards Gandhi's call to "Be the change you want to see in the world."
It's one little step towards being less of a hypocrite tomorrow than I am today.
Although moving our $2,000 savings may not break the Bank, we realize that we are one little drop in what we hope is becoming a river of justice flowing through the streets of New York City and 1,000 cities around the world.
Enough small things can become a tipping point for massive change. When Rosa Parks decided not to move from her seat on that bus in Montgomery, she said one little, "No" that changed the world. So can we.
Can you imagine if the universities started relocating their endowments?
What if religious denominations moved their retirement funds?
It would be an honor to be a member of the post-Wall-Street Jubilee generation.
Shane Claiborne is a Red Letter Christian and a founding partner of The Simple Way community, a radical faith community that lives among and serves the homeless in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia. He is the co-author, with Chris Haw, of Jesus for President.
The ancient Jubilee was God's alternative to the patterns of inequality. It was a systematic interruption of injustice -- where property was redistributed, debts were forgiven, and slaves were set free. It was God's way of making sure masses of people do not live in poverty while a handful of folks live however they wish.
No doubt Wall Street has some things to learn about Jubilee. Jubilee was God's alternative to the patterns of Wall Street.
As the Occupy Wall Street movement catches the world's attention, those of us who are critical of Wall Street have a responsibility. We can't just be defined by what we are against, but should be known by what we are for.
After all, the word "protest" originally meant "public declaration". It wasn't just about being against something, but it was about declaring something new and better. "Protest" shares the same root as "testify".
It's time to protest-ify.
Gandhi spoke about the need for a "constructive program" -- insisting that the best critique of what is wrong is the practice of something better. So his movement started making their own clothes and marching to the sea to get their own salt. They were building a new society in the shell of the old one.
I think the Occupy movement is off to a good start, and will continue to be a catalyst for change … as long as it stays nonviolent and humble.
The Occupy folks may not have all the answers but they are stirring up the right questions. Saying "no" to the way things are is the first step towards a better future.
Something is wrong with a world that continues to privatize wealth and subsidize debt.
There is an entire generation that is saying no to a world where the average worker makes $7 an hour while the average CEO makes over $1500 an hour.
The world is saying no to the patterns where 1% of the world is using up 36% of its wealth.
We can do better. And we must.
But saying no to Wall Street is only the beginning. We need to create alternatives to Wall Street.
I got excited this week when I heard about "Move Your Money Day," one of the concrete constructive-program suggestions coming out of the Occupy Wall Street movement.
On Nov. 5 folks all over the world will divest from Wall Street and its banks … in order to invest in a better world.
Ideologies alone are not enough. There came a point in the movement to abolish slavery where ideology required responsibility. As one abolitionist said, "The only way to be a good slave-owner is to refuse to be a slave-owner." To truly be against slavery also meant that you didn't drink sugar in your tea, because sugar was produced with slave labor.
So on November 5, my wife and I will be joining the "Move Your Money" celebration, moving our money from Bank of America to the non-profit credit union here in Philadelphia.
It is one small step away from the vicious cycle that continues to see money transfer from the increasingly poor to the increasingly rich.
It is trying to take to heart Jesus' command to "Get the log out" of my own eye.
It is a move towards Gandhi's call to "Be the change you want to see in the world."
It's one little step towards being less of a hypocrite tomorrow than I am today.
Although moving our $2,000 savings may not break the Bank, we realize that we are one little drop in what we hope is becoming a river of justice flowing through the streets of New York City and 1,000 cities around the world.
Enough small things can become a tipping point for massive change. When Rosa Parks decided not to move from her seat on that bus in Montgomery, she said one little, "No" that changed the world. So can we.
Can you imagine if the universities started relocating their endowments?
What if religious denominations moved their retirement funds?
It would be an honor to be a member of the post-Wall-Street Jubilee generation.
Shane Claiborne is a Red Letter Christian and a founding partner of The Simple Way community, a radical faith community that lives among and serves the homeless in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia. He is the co-author, with Chris Haw, of Jesus for President.Time...
Let's get something straight right now - you and me - we have the EXACT same amount of time as Shakespeare, Einstein, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Richard Branson or any other genius who has ever lived. We breathe the same air. We see the same Sun.
If we want to become true MASTERS of our lives - we must begin to master ourselves and master our TIME.
TIME and MONEY are two things people ALWAYS use as excuses for why their life isn't the way that it is. And you know what - I say that if you don't have the TIME or the MONEY - then it's about TIME to start CREATING the TIME and MONEY.
People who achieve amazing things have the same amount of time as people who don't. There are many things that go into being a master, that go into standing out, but one of the most important ingredients is TIME.
So today I want to talk about scheduling. Scheduling sounds simple - and it is. If we truly want to create our day, change our life and live life on our terms, we MUST learn how to master time. This is a MUST - not a should. If it's should, you will end up shoulding all over yourself!
Think about the things that you want to do. Look at your schedule. Then MAKE the time. You may have to give up social engagements or sacrifice other things - but isn't it worth it?
If you want to lose weight - MAKE TIME and SCHEDULE your workouts ahead of time. Schedule time to cook and go shopping. Schedule time to learn about how to be healthy. If you want to be a writer - WRITE. I schedule at LEAST 27 hours a week to write. It's a MUST for me. Even if you only schedule an hour a day and write a page a day in one year you will have written 365 pages.
If we are going to take our lives to the next level, it's time to knock off the excuse of not having enough time, get clear about our priorities and then SCHEDULE the things that matter most.
The TRUTH is that you CAN HAVE IT ALL. And it starts with mastering your time. Master your TIME and you begin to master your DESTINY. Busy people make time work for them; people who are frustrated try to work for their time. Flip the switch today and take control of your schedule.
We all have the same amount of TIME; what separates us in the end is how WE CHOOSE to use it!
Love,
Mastin
If we want to become true MASTERS of our lives - we must begin to master ourselves and master our TIME.
TIME and MONEY are two things people ALWAYS use as excuses for why their life isn't the way that it is. And you know what - I say that if you don't have the TIME or the MONEY - then it's about TIME to start CREATING the TIME and MONEY.
People who achieve amazing things have the same amount of time as people who don't. There are many things that go into being a master, that go into standing out, but one of the most important ingredients is TIME.
So today I want to talk about scheduling. Scheduling sounds simple - and it is. If we truly want to create our day, change our life and live life on our terms, we MUST learn how to master time. This is a MUST - not a should. If it's should, you will end up shoulding all over yourself!
Think about the things that you want to do. Look at your schedule. Then MAKE the time. You may have to give up social engagements or sacrifice other things - but isn't it worth it?
If you want to lose weight - MAKE TIME and SCHEDULE your workouts ahead of time. Schedule time to cook and go shopping. Schedule time to learn about how to be healthy. If you want to be a writer - WRITE. I schedule at LEAST 27 hours a week to write. It's a MUST for me. Even if you only schedule an hour a day and write a page a day in one year you will have written 365 pages.
If we are going to take our lives to the next level, it's time to knock off the excuse of not having enough time, get clear about our priorities and then SCHEDULE the things that matter most.
The TRUTH is that you CAN HAVE IT ALL. And it starts with mastering your time. Master your TIME and you begin to master your DESTINY. Busy people make time work for them; people who are frustrated try to work for their time. Flip the switch today and take control of your schedule.
We all have the same amount of TIME; what separates us in the end is how WE CHOOSE to use it!
Love,
Mastin
Monday, November 7, 2011
Today...
I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze that it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
The Lies We Buy
By Lindsay Kite
After lots of research on perceptions of women’s health, I became interested in the Body Mass Index (BMI) and how it came to be the standard scale for judging a healthy weight. What I learned was shocking. This is an condensed excerpt of a full paper I wrote on this topic for my PhD program. It has been accepted to the 2011 Conference of the National Communication Association, where I’ll be presenting it on Nov. 18, 2011 in New Orleans, Louisiana.Though accepted definitions of physical health should have remained relatively stable throughout the past several decades, public perceptions regarding female health have shifted dramatically toward a
focus on thinness over the past 25 years, as evidenced by media’s almost exclusive description and depiction of healthy bodies as extremely thin, toned and free of any unsightly “blemishes” like cellulite. By the early ‘90s, the vast majority of magazine health content focused on weight loss (framed as a means to improve appearance), though overweight and obesity had not yet become national health concerns.
While science tells us that current beauty ideals of extreme thinness and tall, shapely perfection have little to no correlation with actual indicators of health and wellness, we still see tons of evidence that people believe this myth to be true:
Through mass media, Americans are delivered a constant stream of messages telling us idealized beauty and health is attainable for any woman willing to devote enough time, money and effort – whether in the gym, at the mall or on the operating table. In case we need a harder push toward these ideals, we’re constantly reminded that the sacrifice is well worth it, based on ever-present media narratives telling women how to fix their flaws in order to find love, happiness, success and – perhaps most the most dangerous lie of all – health.
100 Years and 100 Lbs
Because women’s magazines are second only to physicians as sources of health information, I critically analyzed depictions and discussion of women’s bodies/health in magazines from 1900-2010, hoping to better understand how women’s body ideals have become so unrealistic. Here, I’ll describe just two stunning beauty ideals from this time period – 100 years and 100 lbs apart.
Perhaps the most well-known U.S. beauty icon at the turn of the 20th century was Lillian Russel, a stage actress and singer born in 1861. Her New York Times obituary (1922) repeatedly references her beauty, noting that “for more than 20 years, she had been known as one of the most beautiful women on the American stage.” At the peak of her fame, Russel weighed approximately 200 pounds and was celebrated for her curvaceous figure, as demonstrated in another NYT article about her (1902), in which the author extols her “superior beauty.” The way she was described genuinely caught me off guard: “[Russel] is a particularly robust and healthy creature, who takes good care to remain so.” Russel’s weight, which would be considered “obese” by today’s standard (the BMI), was actually considered a sign of her health and desirability.
Today’s most prominent fashion and beauty ideals represent the opposite end of the spectrum. British “anti-supermodel” Kate Moss’s gaunt, androgynous frame has been lauded by the fashion industry and earned her more than 50 women’s magazine covers and high-profile advertising campaigns. Her much-celebrated “waif” look dominated the fashion industry throughout the ‘90s and well into the next decade, as she ranked 2nd on Forbes’ top-earning model list in 2007 with an estimated $9 million salary. Her much-publicized 2009 statement to elite fashion magazine Women’s Wear Daily that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” reflects a dangerous sentiment underlying today’s beauty ideals, as well as the fears of medical experts, as the quote soon appeared across “thinspiration,” or pro-eating disorder websites, worldwide.
Defining Health at Women’s Expense
A standardized table of average weights and heights for women was developed for the first time in 1908, when life insurance companies began looking for ways to charge higher premiums to applicants based on pre-screening by their own medical examiners. Though previous weight tables allowed for increasing weight with age (which naturally occurs), this new table was the first to deem an increase in weight after age 25 as undesirable and unhealthy. Thus, by setting the thresholds for “ideal weight” and “overweight” lower than what mortality data showed as the actual healthy weight ranges, they were able to collect more money for those they deemed “overweight.”
Though it would have been much more accurate to compare death rates with actual assessments of body fat, such as skinfold thickness or even simple waist circumference measures, these data were much more difficult and
expensive for both the medical and life insurance industries to obtain than basic height and weight. So when a scientist in the ’70s developed a simple equation that could potentially predict body fat percentage (weight divided by height squared), the life insurance industries and medical community latched on fast. This equation, which scientists warned was only meant to be used for large diagnostic studies on general populations and was not accurate for individuals, was named the Body Mass Index (BMI).
By 1985, the National Institutes of Health began defining obesity according to BMI, which defined “obese” according to the profit-driven standard set by the 1983 Metropolitan Life Insurance Company mortality tables. It is important to note that these standards did not take into account body frame or build, which were included in the previous tables after physicians demanded “small,” “medium” or “large frame” be factored in to avoid serious miscalculations of body fat.
In the first mention I could find of weight as a national issue, it was reported at a 1993 conference for the National Institutes of Health that 24% of men and 27% of women were overweight, according to the BMI. But by June 1998, those numbers skyrocketed while Americans’ weights stayed the same. Millions of people considered to be of ideal weight according to the BMI were suddenly categorized as “overweight” without gaining a pound when the NIH suddenly changed the rules. The BMI thresholds for what was considered “overweight” and “obese” were lowered and the standards for men and women were consolidated – despite the relationship between BMI and body fat being different for both genders.
Dr. David Haslam, the clinical director of Britain’s National Obesity Forum, told the Daily Telegraph newspaper: “It is now widely accepted that the BMI is useless for assessing the healthy weight of individuals.” Despite extensive evidence proving the BMI lacks accuracy for calculating an individual’s body fat or healthy weight, the government defends it as the national standard due to the fact that it is “inexpensive and easy for clinicians and for the general public” (CDC, 2010). Thus, the financial interests of those who diagnose, define and profit from the definition of “health” in this country were prioritized over individuals’ accurate understandings of their own health. By upholding and
enforcing a faulty measure, the insurance industry, medical industry and federal health agencies save a significant amount of money that could otherwise be spent on diagnostic tools and procedures that are reliable indicators of health.
To further prove the differe between the BMI and actual health, the National Cancer Institute and CDC reported that individuals who are overweight but not obese have a lower risk of death than those of the BMI’s “normal weight” category. Accordingly, a report from the International Journal of Obesity states: “BMI may lead to misclassification of persons with normal levels of fat as being overweight, a fact that could cause unnecessary distress and prompt unnecessary and costly interventions.”
From lost self-esteem, lost money and time spent fixing “flaws” and a well-documented preoccupation with thinness, the effects of profit-driven health information involve serious loss for women, while too many industries see huge economic gains. From the life insurance industry collecting higher premiums for those they deem “overweight” based on a standard they set themselves, to major financial savings for medical experts and the government using the profit-driven BMI, to the diet and weight loss industry raking in an estimated $61 billion on Americans’ quest for thinness in 2010, those who make money off the discourse surrounding women’s health are thriving unlike ever before.
When Women Hate Their Bodies, Their Health Takes the Hit
While representations of women’s bodies across all media have shrunk dramatically in the last 30 years, rates of eating disorders have skyrocketed – tripling for college-age women from the late ‘80s to 1993 and rising since then to 4% suffering with bulimia. Maybe even scarier is the 119% increase from ’99-’06 in the number of children under 12 hospitalized due to an eating disorder, the vast majority of whom were girls. Though the Department of Health reports that “no exact cause of eating disorders have yet been found,” they do admit some characteristics have been linked to their development, such low self-esteem, fear of becoming fat and being in an environment where weight and thinness are emphasized – all of which are shown to be related to media exposure of idealized bodies, which is all but inescapable.
Since the early 1900s, medical experts have agreed on the health dangers of extremes in body weight – both underweight and obesity. It is my opinion that the anxieties incited by unrealistic thinness ideals perpetuated by mass media are manifesting themselves in the form of these two dangerous extremes in body weight: women turning to disordered eating as an attempt to fit the ideal on one end of the spectrum, and on the other end, women surrendering to unhealthy overeating and sedentary lifestyles in response to their perception that they are too far from the ideal to ever achieve an average or healthy weight.
A rich body of research that shows health and fitness often has very little correlation to body weight or even an individual’s BMI, as evidenced by a meta-analysis of medical studies since the 1970s that concluded overweight and active people may be healthier than those who are thin and sedentary (Macias Aguayo et al., 2005; Heimpel, 2009). Therefore, understanding that activity level is a much more reliable indicator of a person’s health than their body weight is key to promoting real, effective health goals that can lead people away from extremes like disordered eating and obesity.
With so many power holders with serious financial interests at stake in maintaining the disgust and anxiety females feel about their bodies, it is unlikely that the dominant portrayals/descriptions of women’s health will change anytime soon. Therefore, dismantling and revealing for-profit health myths must become the responsibility of everyone who recognizes their existence.
WHO CAN HELP:
Revealing the unrealistic nature of the “beauty ideals=health” myth and its influence on the way girls and women view and treat their bodies is a promising step toward improving women’s health. This can be done in simple ways, such as by:
Kite, Lindsay. (2011). The Lies We Buy: Defining Health at Women’s Expense. Conference Paper: National Communication Association, Nov. 18, 2011.
(For a complete list of references, the full PDF of this paper is available here: Kite, Lindsay – NCA Paper, Defining Health at Women’s Expense)
After lots of research on perceptions of women’s health, I became interested in the Body Mass Index (BMI) and how it came to be the standard scale for judging a healthy weight. What I learned was shocking. This is an condensed excerpt of a full paper I wrote on this topic for my PhD program. It has been accepted to the 2011 Conference of the National Communication Association, where I’ll be presenting it on Nov. 18, 2011 in New Orleans, Louisiana.Though accepted definitions of physical health should have remained relatively stable throughout the past several decades, public perceptions regarding female health have shifted dramatically toward a
focus on thinness over the past 25 years, as evidenced by media’s almost exclusive description and depiction of healthy bodies as extremely thin, toned and free of any unsightly “blemishes” like cellulite. By the early ‘90s, the vast majority of magazine health content focused on weight loss (framed as a means to improve appearance), though overweight and obesity had not yet become national health concerns.While science tells us that current beauty ideals of extreme thinness and tall, shapely perfection have little to no correlation with actual indicators of health and wellness, we still see tons of evidence that people believe this myth to be true:
- The vast majority of girls and women now perceive underweight bodies and extremely low body weights as being ideally healthy
- Even underweight and average-weight females are striving for weight loss using dangerous and unhealthy means, such as disordered eating and abuse of laxatives or excessive exercise
- According to studies done in the last five years, 66 percent of adolescent girls wish they were thinner, though only 16 are actually overweight.
Through mass media, Americans are delivered a constant stream of messages telling us idealized beauty and health is attainable for any woman willing to devote enough time, money and effort – whether in the gym, at the mall or on the operating table. In case we need a harder push toward these ideals, we’re constantly reminded that the sacrifice is well worth it, based on ever-present media narratives telling women how to fix their flaws in order to find love, happiness, success and – perhaps most the most dangerous lie of all – health.
100 Years and 100 Lbs
Because women’s magazines are second only to physicians as sources of health information, I critically analyzed depictions and discussion of women’s bodies/health in magazines from 1900-2010, hoping to better understand how women’s body ideals have become so unrealistic. Here, I’ll describe just two stunning beauty ideals from this time period – 100 years and 100 lbs apart.
Perhaps the most well-known U.S. beauty icon at the turn of the 20th century was Lillian Russel, a stage actress and singer born in 1861. Her New York Times obituary (1922) repeatedly references her beauty, noting that “for more than 20 years, she had been known as one of the most beautiful women on the American stage.” At the peak of her fame, Russel weighed approximately 200 pounds and was celebrated for her curvaceous figure, as demonstrated in another NYT article about her (1902), in which the author extols her “superior beauty.” The way she was described genuinely caught me off guard: “[Russel] is a particularly robust and healthy creature, who takes good care to remain so.” Russel’s weight, which would be considered “obese” by today’s standard (the BMI), was actually considered a sign of her health and desirability.
Today’s most prominent fashion and beauty ideals represent the opposite end of the spectrum. British “anti-supermodel” Kate Moss’s gaunt, androgynous frame has been lauded by the fashion industry and earned her more than 50 women’s magazine covers and high-profile advertising campaigns. Her much-celebrated “waif” look dominated the fashion industry throughout the ‘90s and well into the next decade, as she ranked 2nd on Forbes’ top-earning model list in 2007 with an estimated $9 million salary. Her much-publicized 2009 statement to elite fashion magazine Women’s Wear Daily that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” reflects a dangerous sentiment underlying today’s beauty ideals, as well as the fears of medical experts, as the quote soon appeared across “thinspiration,” or pro-eating disorder websites, worldwide.
Defining Health at Women’s Expense
A standardized table of average weights and heights for women was developed for the first time in 1908, when life insurance companies began looking for ways to charge higher premiums to applicants based on pre-screening by their own medical examiners. Though previous weight tables allowed for increasing weight with age (which naturally occurs), this new table was the first to deem an increase in weight after age 25 as undesirable and unhealthy. Thus, by setting the thresholds for “ideal weight” and “overweight” lower than what mortality data showed as the actual healthy weight ranges, they were able to collect more money for those they deemed “overweight.”
Though it would have been much more accurate to compare death rates with actual assessments of body fat, such as skinfold thickness or even simple waist circumference measures, these data were much more difficult and
expensive for both the medical and life insurance industries to obtain than basic height and weight. So when a scientist in the ’70s developed a simple equation that could potentially predict body fat percentage (weight divided by height squared), the life insurance industries and medical community latched on fast. This equation, which scientists warned was only meant to be used for large diagnostic studies on general populations and was not accurate for individuals, was named the Body Mass Index (BMI).By 1985, the National Institutes of Health began defining obesity according to BMI, which defined “obese” according to the profit-driven standard set by the 1983 Metropolitan Life Insurance Company mortality tables. It is important to note that these standards did not take into account body frame or build, which were included in the previous tables after physicians demanded “small,” “medium” or “large frame” be factored in to avoid serious miscalculations of body fat.
In the first mention I could find of weight as a national issue, it was reported at a 1993 conference for the National Institutes of Health that 24% of men and 27% of women were overweight, according to the BMI. But by June 1998, those numbers skyrocketed while Americans’ weights stayed the same. Millions of people considered to be of ideal weight according to the BMI were suddenly categorized as “overweight” without gaining a pound when the NIH suddenly changed the rules. The BMI thresholds for what was considered “overweight” and “obese” were lowered and the standards for men and women were consolidated – despite the relationship between BMI and body fat being different for both genders.
- On June 16, 1998, the “average” woman was 5 feet, 4 inches tall and weighed 155 pounds.
- On June 17, a woman of that same height and weight was considered “overweight.”
- The requirement for “average” dropped 10 pounds to 145, and a person of the same height who weighed 175 pounds was considered “obese.”
Dr. David Haslam, the clinical director of Britain’s National Obesity Forum, told the Daily Telegraph newspaper: “It is now widely accepted that the BMI is useless for assessing the healthy weight of individuals.” Despite extensive evidence proving the BMI lacks accuracy for calculating an individual’s body fat or healthy weight, the government defends it as the national standard due to the fact that it is “inexpensive and easy for clinicians and for the general public” (CDC, 2010). Thus, the financial interests of those who diagnose, define and profit from the definition of “health” in this country were prioritized over individuals’ accurate understandings of their own health. By upholding and
enforcing a faulty measure, the insurance industry, medical industry and federal health agencies save a significant amount of money that could otherwise be spent on diagnostic tools and procedures that are reliable indicators of health.To further prove the differe between the BMI and actual health, the National Cancer Institute and CDC reported that individuals who are overweight but not obese have a lower risk of death than those of the BMI’s “normal weight” category. Accordingly, a report from the International Journal of Obesity states: “BMI may lead to misclassification of persons with normal levels of fat as being overweight, a fact that could cause unnecessary distress and prompt unnecessary and costly interventions.”
From lost self-esteem, lost money and time spent fixing “flaws” and a well-documented preoccupation with thinness, the effects of profit-driven health information involve serious loss for women, while too many industries see huge economic gains. From the life insurance industry collecting higher premiums for those they deem “overweight” based on a standard they set themselves, to major financial savings for medical experts and the government using the profit-driven BMI, to the diet and weight loss industry raking in an estimated $61 billion on Americans’ quest for thinness in 2010, those who make money off the discourse surrounding women’s health are thriving unlike ever before.
When Women Hate Their Bodies, Their Health Takes the Hit
While representations of women’s bodies across all media have shrunk dramatically in the last 30 years, rates of eating disorders have skyrocketed – tripling for college-age women from the late ‘80s to 1993 and rising since then to 4% suffering with bulimia. Maybe even scarier is the 119% increase from ’99-’06 in the number of children under 12 hospitalized due to an eating disorder, the vast majority of whom were girls. Though the Department of Health reports that “no exact cause of eating disorders have yet been found,” they do admit some characteristics have been linked to their development, such low self-esteem, fear of becoming fat and being in an environment where weight and thinness are emphasized – all of which are shown to be related to media exposure of idealized bodies, which is all but inescapable.
Since the early 1900s, medical experts have agreed on the health dangers of extremes in body weight – both underweight and obesity. It is my opinion that the anxieties incited by unrealistic thinness ideals perpetuated by mass media are manifesting themselves in the form of these two dangerous extremes in body weight: women turning to disordered eating as an attempt to fit the ideal on one end of the spectrum, and on the other end, women surrendering to unhealthy overeating and sedentary lifestyles in response to their perception that they are too far from the ideal to ever achieve an average or healthy weight.
A rich body of research that shows health and fitness often has very little correlation to body weight or even an individual’s BMI, as evidenced by a meta-analysis of medical studies since the 1970s that concluded overweight and active people may be healthier than those who are thin and sedentary (Macias Aguayo et al., 2005; Heimpel, 2009). Therefore, understanding that activity level is a much more reliable indicator of a person’s health than their body weight is key to promoting real, effective health goals that can lead people away from extremes like disordered eating and obesity.
With so many power holders with serious financial interests at stake in maintaining the disgust and anxiety females feel about their bodies, it is unlikely that the dominant portrayals/descriptions of women’s health will change anytime soon. Therefore, dismantling and revealing for-profit health myths must become the responsibility of everyone who recognizes their existence.
WHO CAN HELP:
- health educators and practitioners who know the difference between thin ideals and indicators of physical fitness
- parents, teachers, friends and other influential individuals who see signs of low self-esteem, distorted body perceptions and disordered eating in girls
- media consumers who recognize negative feelings about their own or others’ bodies after reading or viewing media that represents ideals as normal or “healthy”
- media decision-makers who can disrupt the steady stream of idealized bodies with positive representations of more normative shapes and sizes
- Potential activists who are willing to visibly resist messages that repackage women’s health in power-laden terms in any way possible, whether through volunteering to speak out against harmful ideals for any audience who will listen, or by attracting media attention toward the dangerous link between beauty ideals, low self-esteem and serious health consequences
- medical experts, researchers and physicians who have influence over patients’ and colleagues’ perceptions of body fat measures and diagnostic tools
Revealing the unrealistic nature of the “beauty ideals=health” myth and its influence on the way girls and women view and treat their bodies is a promising step toward improving women’s health. This can be done in simple ways, such as by:
- pointing out the difference between media representations of women’s bodies and real-life women’s bodies while watching TV or flipping through a magazine with friends or family
- gaining better understanding of realistic and healthy standards of body weight and physical fitness for ourselves and others over whom we have influence, such as by talking with your doctor and researching signs of optimal health for yourself
- posting links or starting discussions on blogs and social networking sites to continuously spark conversation about dangerous thin ideals and those who profit from our belief in them
- reminding ourselves and encouraging others to engage in physical activity as a means for improving physical and mental health, rather than a strategy for achieving unattainable beauty ideals
- developing and helping to implement accurate and reliable measures of healthy weight, whether that means developing new algorithms that can better predict individual body fat or (if you’re a medical expert or practitioner) steering clear of the BMI in favor of other financially feasible measures like waist circumference measurement or skinfold thickness
Kite, Lindsay. (2011). The Lies We Buy: Defining Health at Women’s Expense. Conference Paper: National Communication Association, Nov. 18, 2011.
(For a complete list of references, the full PDF of this paper is available here: Kite, Lindsay – NCA Paper, Defining Health at Women’s Expense)
Only Have One
Nobody knows which way you’ll go
I can’t control you
I pray tomorrow is brighter than today
I should not try to live two lives
I only have one
I only have one
You have yours and I have mine
We only have one life
I watch you make the same mistake
You learn the hard way
I pray tomorrow you will hear
What love has to say
I try to hold you with an open hand
You run away
You’re faster than I am
I can lead you to the water
But I cannot make you drink
Is it too much to ask for you
To simply stop and think
I try to hold you with an open hand
You run away
You’re faster than I am
I can lead you to the water
But I cannot make you drink
Is it too much to ask for you
To simply stop and think
-JJ Heller
I can’t control you
I pray tomorrow is brighter than today
I should not try to live two lives
I only have one
I only have one
You have yours and I have mine
We only have one life
I watch you make the same mistake
You learn the hard way
I pray tomorrow you will hear
What love has to say
I try to hold you with an open hand
You run away
You’re faster than I am
I can lead you to the water
But I cannot make you drink
Is it too much to ask for you
To simply stop and think
Nobody knows which way you’ll go
I can’t control you
I pray tomorrow is brighter than today
I should not try to live two lives
I only have one
I only have one
You have yours and I have mine
We only have one life
I watch you make the same mistake
You learn the hard way
I pray tomorrow you will hear
What love has to say
I can’t control you
I pray tomorrow is brighter than today
I should not try to live two lives
I only have one
I only have one
You have yours and I have mine
We only have one life
I watch you make the same mistake
You learn the hard way
I pray tomorrow you will hear
What love has to say
I try to hold you with an open hand
You run away
You’re faster than I am
I can lead you to the water
But I cannot make you drink
Is it too much to ask for you
To simply stop and think
-JJ Heller
Affirmations:
I choose to live an authentic life from now on.
I trust that as I live an authentic life, the people, places and things will find me that are in my best interest.
I let go of the outcome 'cuz I know The Uni-verse has got something WAY better in mind!
I trust that as I live an authentic life, the people, places and things will find me that are in my best interest.
I let go of the outcome 'cuz I know The Uni-verse has got something WAY better in mind!
Step out of a False Life and Live a Fulfilled Life
In all walks of our life, it is important to be able to be in relationship with people who honor your authentic self.
What the heck does that mean?
Well, a definition of authentic is: "true to one's own personality, spirit, or character" or simply, "not false".
So that means that our aim should be, if we wish to be happy, to create relationships that honor our TRUE PERSONALITY, SPIRIT and CHARACTER that is NOT based in FALSEHOOD.
Whoa... now THAT makes sense!!
But HOW?
Well, first things first. We gotta start BEING our true CHARACTER, PERSONALITY and SPIRIT. We have to not be false with ourselves. Ah ha! There lies the first key to living an "authentic" life.
So... What are your true character, spirit and personality? Another way to look at this is... What makes YOU come alive? What do you REALLY feel? How can you communicate and express your TRUE feelings with Love?
If we are holding back how we feel, not expressing ourselves to others and/or not expressing our creative gifts, then we are not living an authentic life. Making this one switch can lead to MASSIVE change in and of itself. But this isn't where we stop for this blog.
Now, we move into creating relationships and partnerships in our life that allow, support and endorse not only OUR authentic self, but also the authentic selves of those we choose to be with. THIS REQUIRES MAJOR COURAGE, LOVE & PATIENCE.
To continually risk exposing how we feel can seem dangerous and scary. But it's necessary to live an authentic and happy life. To be able to hold space for others to do the same requires major Love and patience. Also, as we look around our lives and see who is in it currently, we may come to realize that there are some changes that need to be made. Just because you are being authentic and those in your life are being authentic doesn't mean that those energies will match. We may come to find out that they don't match AT ALL. In which case, the authentic thing to do is to part.
You see, my friends, I truly believe that if we are not living an authentic life, we attract "falsehood". Not falsehood in the sense of anything negative. No. Falsehood in the sense that we can very easily begin to craft a life of fear, of scarcity and of smallness. But that is not what we are meant for. We are meant for greater things than this. So it is up to us to muster the courage to begin to live an authentic life and Love those in our life enough to allow them their own creative and authentic expression. Hopefully this will bring us closer together, but let us honor the outcome if it drives us apart as well.
Switching from a life of masks and falsehood can sometimes feel like pushing out a splinter. But it's worth it. Living an authentic life eventually leads to being happy MOST of the time.
Do not let anything into your life that doesn't resonate with your authentic self. Let go of what's not working. Embrace what is and have the courage to face the unknown as you switch from the falsehood of living a fear based life to the bliss of living an authentic life.
I love you,
Mastin
Take what resonates with you from this blog and leave the rest.
What the heck does that mean?
Well, a definition of authentic is: "true to one's own personality, spirit, or character" or simply, "not false".
So that means that our aim should be, if we wish to be happy, to create relationships that honor our TRUE PERSONALITY, SPIRIT and CHARACTER that is NOT based in FALSEHOOD.
Whoa... now THAT makes sense!!
But HOW?
Well, first things first. We gotta start BEING our true CHARACTER, PERSONALITY and SPIRIT. We have to not be false with ourselves. Ah ha! There lies the first key to living an "authentic" life.
So... What are your true character, spirit and personality? Another way to look at this is... What makes YOU come alive? What do you REALLY feel? How can you communicate and express your TRUE feelings with Love?
If we are holding back how we feel, not expressing ourselves to others and/or not expressing our creative gifts, then we are not living an authentic life. Making this one switch can lead to MASSIVE change in and of itself. But this isn't where we stop for this blog.
Now, we move into creating relationships and partnerships in our life that allow, support and endorse not only OUR authentic self, but also the authentic selves of those we choose to be with. THIS REQUIRES MAJOR COURAGE, LOVE & PATIENCE.
To continually risk exposing how we feel can seem dangerous and scary. But it's necessary to live an authentic and happy life. To be able to hold space for others to do the same requires major Love and patience. Also, as we look around our lives and see who is in it currently, we may come to realize that there are some changes that need to be made. Just because you are being authentic and those in your life are being authentic doesn't mean that those energies will match. We may come to find out that they don't match AT ALL. In which case, the authentic thing to do is to part.
You see, my friends, I truly believe that if we are not living an authentic life, we attract "falsehood". Not falsehood in the sense of anything negative. No. Falsehood in the sense that we can very easily begin to craft a life of fear, of scarcity and of smallness. But that is not what we are meant for. We are meant for greater things than this. So it is up to us to muster the courage to begin to live an authentic life and Love those in our life enough to allow them their own creative and authentic expression. Hopefully this will bring us closer together, but let us honor the outcome if it drives us apart as well.
Switching from a life of masks and falsehood can sometimes feel like pushing out a splinter. But it's worth it. Living an authentic life eventually leads to being happy MOST of the time.
Do not let anything into your life that doesn't resonate with your authentic self. Let go of what's not working. Embrace what is and have the courage to face the unknown as you switch from the falsehood of living a fear based life to the bliss of living an authentic life.
I love you,
Mastin
Take what resonates with you from this blog and leave the rest.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The Only Thing You Owe Other People is Your Happiness
We, as human beings, need to been seen. We are built for relationships. Our entire world is setup as sets of relationships that we all mutually rely upon.
The child relies on the parents for love, support and nurturing.
The student relies on the teacher to learn.
The teacher relies on the student to show the teacher how they can teach better.
The maker of products relies on the consumer.
The consumer relies on the maker of products.
We rely on our friends and our friends rely on us.
And so on...
Examples of relationships that are setup for mutual benefit are endless - because that is the nature of life.
We come together because we can't make it alone.
The thing is, we get all caught up in relationships that we think are serving our greatest happiness, but many times they are simply toxic. And while we can learn from toxic and negative relationships, let us not dwell there.
A key thing to remember is THIS: We have relationships so that we can be HAPPY MOST of the time. Loving someone isn't showing them how much you are willing to suffer for them. Loving someone, starting with yourself, is a demonstration of how HAPPY you are willing to be - for YOURSELF and THEM.
The only thing you owe other people is your happiness.
But many times we put up with negative, toxic and unhealthy folks because the 5%, 10% or 20% Love that we are getting, we THINK (incorrectly) is better than zero love. But you see, relationships like this are fun for a moment, then fun with problems and then... let's face it, it's just plain ole problems after a while. And that 5% Love you were holding on to actually goes into negative territory because yesterday's fling is today's poison.
When we seek to GET something from someone that we THINK is lacking within, we are setting ourselves up for pain and a big time lesson.
To flip the switch, the question we must ask is not "What can I get?" but instead, "What can I give?"
When we show up to be of service in life, we change our relationship with all of life. As a result, we begin to step into the abundance that is promised to us by The Uni-verse, because are seeking now to give instead of to just get.
A thriving relationship is made up of awesome GIVERS and FORGIVERS.
Are you in a thriving relationship? Do all the relationships in your life have a MUTUAL benefit? Or have you gone into negative territory where yesterday's fling is today's poison? Are you showing up as a happy person in your relationship? If not, what can you do to change it?
Love & fulfillment,
Mastin
My name is Mastin Kipp & I am the Founder of The Daily Love.
The child relies on the parents for love, support and nurturing.
The student relies on the teacher to learn.
The teacher relies on the student to show the teacher how they can teach better.
The maker of products relies on the consumer.
The consumer relies on the maker of products.
We rely on our friends and our friends rely on us.
And so on...
Examples of relationships that are setup for mutual benefit are endless - because that is the nature of life.
We come together because we can't make it alone.
The thing is, we get all caught up in relationships that we think are serving our greatest happiness, but many times they are simply toxic. And while we can learn from toxic and negative relationships, let us not dwell there.
A key thing to remember is THIS: We have relationships so that we can be HAPPY MOST of the time. Loving someone isn't showing them how much you are willing to suffer for them. Loving someone, starting with yourself, is a demonstration of how HAPPY you are willing to be - for YOURSELF and THEM.
The only thing you owe other people is your happiness.
But many times we put up with negative, toxic and unhealthy folks because the 5%, 10% or 20% Love that we are getting, we THINK (incorrectly) is better than zero love. But you see, relationships like this are fun for a moment, then fun with problems and then... let's face it, it's just plain ole problems after a while. And that 5% Love you were holding on to actually goes into negative territory because yesterday's fling is today's poison.
When we seek to GET something from someone that we THINK is lacking within, we are setting ourselves up for pain and a big time lesson.
To flip the switch, the question we must ask is not "What can I get?" but instead, "What can I give?"
When we show up to be of service in life, we change our relationship with all of life. As a result, we begin to step into the abundance that is promised to us by The Uni-verse, because are seeking now to give instead of to just get.
A thriving relationship is made up of awesome GIVERS and FORGIVERS.
Are you in a thriving relationship? Do all the relationships in your life have a MUTUAL benefit? Or have you gone into negative territory where yesterday's fling is today's poison? Are you showing up as a happy person in your relationship? If not, what can you do to change it?
Love & fulfillment,
Mastin
My name is Mastin Kipp & I am the Founder of The Daily Love.
Affirmations:
I love myself just as I am.
I am 100% Self Approved.
The only thing I owe other people is my happiness.
I am 100% Self Approved.
The only thing I owe other people is my happiness.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Affirmations:
I act on my Faith today and every day forward.
I trust that day by day, my dreams will come around as I act on them.
My inner world is stronger than the outer world. I carve out life to look like my vision, one day at a time.
I trust that day by day, my dreams will come around as I act on them.
My inner world is stronger than the outer world. I carve out life to look like my vision, one day at a time.
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