While reading the article that I posted below, I felt a great sense of affirmation about so many things I have learned. I have struggled with resentment for all of my life, although I didn't realize it until this year when it almost ruined me. I had become so resentful and angry that it had begun to blind me to all the love and blessings I possess in my life. I knew at that point that I was really sick, only I had no idea how to fix it and life seemed pretty confusing and disoriented. I genuinely thought that it was other people's fault and if they would just change then everything would be alright. Thankfully, God had a lesson in mind and didn't let me linger in that darkness for too long. He began teaching me through others that it was not others, but rather myself, that was making my life toxic.
I had been expecting everyone around me to respect me and my boundaries without me having to set them. I was placing my personal responsibility on other people. Then I began to realize that every time I became resentful about something, it was usually because I had bent one of my boundaries and I was angry at myself. Sometimes I would say no, when really I wanted to say yes. Sometimes I would allow someone to disrespect me when I really wanted to tell them to stop. When I finally stopped blaming other people for the disrespect I was showing myself, I noticed something awesome. I had the power over my resentments! If I was true to myself: I would make choices based on what was healthy for me. I would say no if that was respectful to me. I would walk away if someone was saying something disrespectful to me. I still struggle with being true to myself. It is a process. But now, I know exactly where my angry feelings came from and I know how to handle it next time. It is great to have the courage to change me!
I had been expecting everyone around me to respect me and my boundaries without me having to set them. I was placing my personal responsibility on other people. Then I began to realize that every time I became resentful about something, it was usually because I had bent one of my boundaries and I was angry at myself. Sometimes I would say no, when really I wanted to say yes. Sometimes I would allow someone to disrespect me when I really wanted to tell them to stop. When I finally stopped blaming other people for the disrespect I was showing myself, I noticed something awesome. I had the power over my resentments! If I was true to myself: I would make choices based on what was healthy for me. I would say no if that was respectful to me. I would walk away if someone was saying something disrespectful to me. I still struggle with being true to myself. It is a process. But now, I know exactly where my angry feelings came from and I know how to handle it next time. It is great to have the courage to change me!
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