Options

One of the greatest lessons I have been learning recently is the fact that I have options. And lots of them.  This has been SO empowering and liberating! Things used to seem so black and white for me all the time. I looked at a troubling situation and I saw two extreme options that both seemed awful. Here is simply one example: I really hated the jobs that I had over the past year. I used to look at my situation hopelessly because I saw two choices - either do what I love (work in a social field) and never make enough money to survive, or grit my teeth doing what I have no passion or talent for feeling totally unfulfilled and just barely squeak by every month. Sounds pretty bleak eh? Yea. It was. But the reason for my pitiful situation didn't have anything to do with reality. It was entirely due to my limited perspective.

I believed I only had two choices and they were both pretty miserable. In reality, I actually had an infinity of choices. I could have decided to change my physical demands so that I didn't need as much money. I could have gone back to school and lived off of student loans. I could have taken a huge risk and gone into business for myself. I could have allowed for the possibility that there might actually be social work positions available that I qualify for, that make enough money for me to survive on. Get the point? Plenty of choices - and these were only a few! Instead of considering the many options, for a long time, I was frozen in fear and kept myself limited and miserable. Not only was I limiting my choices in my job life, I was doing it in every area of my life. Relationships, money, school, health, etc... And it made me feel TRAPPED and ALONE.

Through the help of a few good friends, literature, and especially my God, I began to see all the gray areas surrounding me. And it is beautiful! I have no need to limit my choices to one extreme or the other; I have a variety of options at every given moment, and they change constantly. I now see each new situation as an opportunity for choices, instead of fearing the limitations. I am no longer a victim of my job, because I can choose to leave or stay according to what is best for me. I don't have to be a victim in my relationships, because I can choose to make boundaries, adjust boundaries, create distance, or remove distance. I am not a victim of my health, because I have plenty of options to take care of myself. See the solutions? Each of my choices will have a new consequence that will allow me plenty of new options. Isn't this freeing??

When I have the proper perspective about the many choices available to me, there is nothing to fear and only many possibilities of things to achieve. I am not always good at seeing my options, but they are always there waiting to be seen. Sometimes all I need is a little quiet in order to hear them. So what are some options that you overlook? What is a situation that you feel trapped in, where God is trying to get you to hear your options? How uncomfortable does it have to get before you begin to see your many choices available? Let me know: defytheaverage@gmail.com

Affirmations:

As I focus on my destination I take time to enjoy and appreciate each step of the journey. I give thanks for each blessing I receive along the way. 

Why We Need a Backbone More than a Wishbone

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Be Gentle

Do you ever experience that one thing? You know, that one thing that cripples you every time it happens, no matter how hard you try to prepare for it? Well I do. When that thing happens, I crumble. It paralyzes me. Tortures me. When it happens, I feel my communication skills revert to my five year old past no matter how hard I try to utilize a lifetime of skills I have learned. By five year old communication skills I mean: tears. And more tears. Get the picture? And I know I'm not alone in this. Maybe your shutdown mode is anger, fear, or silence. But we all have one, or sometimes many.

I never cease to be frustrated with myself when that crucial moment passes. The moment where I have the opportunity to express my feelings logically and coherently but... I freeze... and then the tears. It seems so irrational right? I have all the tools. I've prepped myself time and again for the "next time" it happens. And it is so easy to feel livid with myself when all my good will and planning goes down the tubes. This is when I learn a hard lesson for me to swallow: be GENTLE. Gentle with myself. Gentle with the situation. Gentle with all involved. Sometimes God gives us an overwhelming or painfully charged experience over and over so that we can learn to let it go and be gentle with our pain, emotions, reactions, and whatever else we "didn't do right." And if we get that crippling and paralyzing feeling again, we obviously still have more to learn.

When this painful situation hits me, I simply want to run. I don't want to deal with it - it's too painful. I don't want to talk about it - the feelings won't convert to words. Why? Well I don't think I have even figured out the depth, but I know it hurts a great deal more than maybe it should. I know that I feel walked on. I feel disrespected. I feel alone. These are my feelings. I don't know why I feel them, but something about "that one thing" brings them all to the surface. So what do I do? Obviously I have been utterly unsuccessful at changing my reactions all at once. But maybe there is something bigger to learn. Maybe it's about faith that God will reveal these things as quickly as is best for me. Maybe it's about patience and trust. Maybe I can learn to be accepting of that pain, knowing that it is part of me that is being worked on. Maybe it's even about stepping away from that trigger. There are many lessons to learn, and that in and of itself is comforting.

So I know I am not alone. What is it that hits you all of the sudden and freezes you? Do you feel shame about your feelings and reactions? Or can you see the value in them? Can you appreciate your journey, no matter what spontaneous human things rise to the surface? Remember that it is in those moments that you learn the most about deep values you hold as well as the deepest fears. Catch on to that and learn all you can. Let me know what you have discovered along the way at defytheaverage@gmail.com

Affirmations:

I enjoy the unfolding process of my life.

My life is a masterpiece and it cannot be rushed. I enjoy each step.

I allow God to grow me in the ways that He sees fit so that I express the fullest version of myself!

Changes

So I have been diligently working to find my passion again for the past few months. I have made some difficult realizations that have fueled some difficult decisions. And they are finally paying off. I was able to identify that I had lost my pep due to not following my calling in several ways. #1 School. #2 Work. There are others, but these are the primary ones I have been working on. So now, I am looking at beginning school in February, and beginning a new job that I truly love within the next few weeks. I don't think I even have to tell you how good it makes me feel to take these steps. I am finally being true to myself and what I was created to do.

You would think I'd be LOVING life right? Well yes, in some ways I am. Unfortunately, I don't think I was prepared for the enormous amount of anxiety that has come along with these changes. I am not big on adjustments at all. Despite the fear and anxiety I have been experiencing, I am truly HAPPY to see my life going in the direction it was meant to go. I know I am learning how to listen to what I need at a deep level - not just my physical needs. One thing I have noticed as I take these steps is that all of the other daily irritations seem so much bigger and scarier. Normal bad day things happen and they seem like the end of the world. Insecurity flares up. Everything seems just a little more personal.

As you step out and pursue your innermost goals, it is funny how the world seems to throw curve balls that just make the journey a little more interesting. Of course, as I have made some really tough decisions a few other unexpected things have happened. Finances have been totally out of wack. A few weird relationship things have happened. Chaos is going on in my loved ones' lives. And such is the nature of CHANGE. It is unpredictable and risky. But it is beautiful. Life dies without the change and the risk. It is what keeps us alive and growing. While I held so tightly to security, I died inside. So welcome back life. Welcome back change.

What is it that you are struggling through changing right now? Has a big decision totally put you off balance? How are you handling the changing emotions and fears? Let me know: defytheaverage@gmail.com. Love you guys! Be strong and hold out just a little longer for that change! It will come and you will be so glad you trusted, sweated, and waited.

Beauty

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." - Audrey Hepburn

The Darkness

I was really hoping that I would wake up today energized and ready to kick off a new year of progress and positivity. Well, I woke up feeling discouraged, lonely, unloved, fearful and emotional. Way to start off eh? I have learned that I can't always pull myself out of my negative feelings and sometimes I must just sit with them until they just pass, much like a storm. The difference today is - I know it will pass. My feelings are not pleasant however, they don't terrify me anymore. They are never final. We have bad days and bad weeks - the key is they won't last.

The next thing I am learning about my feelings is not only will my feelings improve, but they are GOOD for me. They teach me things. They bring about needed change. They keep me from becoming stagnant and complacent. They teach me not to accept unacceptable behavior. All of these things my God knows and gives me my feelings in order to grow me. They are a gift. EVERY feeling has a purpose. As hard as it is to recognize, even the negative, discouraging feelings we experience have a purpose and a place. It is not only ok to feel them; it is NECESSARY for growth and ultimately happiness. There must be darkness experienced if we are to appreciate and enjoy the light.

A few reminders are helpful when I find myself in a negative space. First of all, I need to remind myself of the kind and gracious God that is looking out for my best. I must remember that there is never anything that happens TO ME only FOR ME. Even the things that seem to be going all wrong are examples of things that my God is using FOR MY BENEFIT in the long run. So even when things are really shitty they just are what they are - but never happening to me and ultimately happening for me. This is simply the universe's way of ebbing and flowing along our journey towards our purpose. There is no need to fight it or control it, because whatever is happening is on my side and is to be embraced.

So what do you do with your negative feelings and bad days? Do you turn them over to a higher belief that God is working EVERYTHING together FOR YOU? Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel approaching? Can you appreciate the purpose of your darkness in your life? I can't say I'm totally there yet - I don't really enjoy feeling crappy and emotional, but it is something to work on and something to think about. Let me know how you handle those days where everything just seems to go wrong at every turn. I'd love to know - defytheaverage@gmail.com

Why Letting Go is the Best Way to Hold On

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