Changes, Honesty, and Acceptance

Life is fluid. Changing. You will never step into the same river twice. And our journey through life demands a constant will to adapt. This requires honesty and unwavering dedication to see reality for what it is, instead of forcing a fantasy that will never be. We all have those fairy tales and dreams we are fighting for, and sometimes, telling ourselves they are real is the best we can do. Once we can peel away a layer of our fantasies and step out of our illusions for just a second, that is where the change has a chance to begin. We must be aware of our reality and what is true before we can take action.

Throughout my life, I have had moments where I am barely hanging on and moments where I am unshakable. I have been unspeakably happy and I have been wounded and devastated. Despite all of my efforts to force my own will and dreams upon life, it has always had a plan of its own. My part is to open my arms with gratitude and flow with the direction that is revealed to me, no matter what that direction is. It requires an honest look at reality, acceptable of that reality, and a will to work on myself and take action. I never know what is coming next. Sometimes, I am shocked at how blessed I am. Other times, I must grieve and labor to accept the things revealed.

There are so many things that can threaten the life I think I want. There are money problems, work problems, family problems, conflicts, and personal struggles that can all upset my idea of "perfection" and "happiness". I have felt pretty good, at times, with pushing through these difficulties and enjoying the journey. Life has given me a greater challenge recently and I am having trouble accepting it. It is scary. It is threatening. It could change my life - change me - significantly. I have two people in my life, who I dearly love, fighting for their lives. I am powerless over health. I do not get to choose whose heart beats, whose blood pumps, or which medicine will work. I only get to observe life and enjoy good health while it is given. I have taken it for granted in the past. I choose to relish it fully in the future.

We don't get to edit our time on this earth or rewind time lost on things that didn't matter. Time is constantly moving forward and we can choose to let it pass by, or stay in tune with each moment, cherishing those we love.

What takes your energy each day? Is it work? School? Worries? Money? Do you fully enjoy your children, family, and loved ones? Do you give your own life your best, or what's left?

Start the conversation below or send me an email at defytheaverage@gmail.com

The Human Condition

I have been thinking a lot about human behavior lately - why we make the choices we do, why we have the beliefs we do, and what the motivation is for our behavior. There is so much that I have puzzled over for years and still don't have the answers. All I have now are a few observations. Of course, many people have books full of opinions about behavior and it will take me a lifetime to read all of the valuable information out there. I would love to hear all of your thoughts and experiences as well.

Growing up, I heard a lot of discussion about people's choices. It was easy to condemn others' decisions to get high, have sex, get pregnant, be "lazy", etc... I still hear all the same condemnation around me today, but I can't help but pay attention to the very opposite feelings that well up inside me when I am faced with "those" behaviors people do. The judgment I hear at first glance can sound reasonable - sort of a "well he was asking for it when he made that choice" attitude. After many years of observing human nature for myself, I believe very deeply that humans choose very little and judgment bestowed is very harsh. We seem to be compelled to action by the variety of intense emotions we feel constantly. And I'm not just talking about the outcasts of society. I'm talking about every one of us. I know many people that claim to base their decisions on nothing but objective and logical truth, only to see them conveniently fit their "logic" around their own feelings and desires. We seem to be a wonderful judge of the potential choices others, but are completely crippled when it comes to being an unbiased critic and director of our own lives.

I am still baffled by this seemingly unavoidable denial and blindness. I am all the more convinced we must be vigilant in our own lives to be painstakingly honest. As wonderful and beautiful as our emotions and feelings are, they can sway our behavior in ways many of us are oblivious to. It is a great realization however, to understand the seemingly irrational spontaneity of others is simply a reflection of the way I behave at times. It is not beneficial to judge the behavior we see but the observation of it is powerful, because we get a glimpse of the insanity that exists in our own lives. When I look back over my own life in this way, I get to see my flaws determined by the intense pull of my feelings and emotions that seemed logical at the time.

It is dangerous to limit your self awareness by claiming you are logical and base your actions only on objective information. Dig deep and practice honesty as you take a new look at the actions that have created the tapestry of your life. Ponder the feelings you felt. Experience the emotion again. Realize the impulsivity that has changed your life and made you who you are. Release the judgment and excuses. Try and see your neighbors in a new light. Perhaps we aren't so different. Perhaps we all live with the blessing (and sometimes curse) of being created with intense and powerful emotions. So step into their shoes and practice a little less judgment. It is a beautiful experience. Judgment is a heavy burden based in misunderstanding that we can choose to trade for understanding of the human condition we experience equally. And who wants a burden anyway when the light of wisdom is at your fingertips?

How have you been limited in your beliefs about your own actions? Have you judged others' behavior because you misunderstand them? Can you choose honesty and understanding today? Let me hear about it in the conversation here or in a message to defytheaverage@gmail.com