"Let me disappoint you" is a beautiful phrase in a book I love called The Art of Extreme Self Care, and it is a concept I have been thinking about a lot lately. I have learned so much about boundaries over the last two years and I just keep eating it up. Little by little, I find it easier to disappoint people if it just has to be done.
I grew up with the mentality that I could somehow go through life making everyone and myself happy. I had some sort of superwoman complex that I fought, tooth and nail, to hold on to. Every time I was unable to accomplish the happiness of all those around me, I felt like a failure. I also made another lethal yet unconscious decision - I surrounded myself with suffering people who needed me. Happiness was a stiff order. One that was completely ridiculous and unreasonable. Yet I expected it of myself to solve it all - and make everyone happy. Guess who ended up miserable...
One day I had to come to grips with the truth that I could not make anyone happy. The harder I tried, the more demanding people became. I felt resentful and overwhelmed. I had to come to a very low place to accept the fact that I was far less powerful than I thought. I opened myself up to learning how limited my little world of control was - and it was beautiful. I get to make me happy. That's it. That is all I have control over. A wonderful thing happens when I practice this. Other people around me seem to get happier too. The only thing I owe another person is my own happiness.
Sometimes being true to my own happiness can be disappointing to others. When I am honest about my own needs and desires, it can be necessary to deny someone else's request. The word "no" is often the hardest word to leave my lips - but the most important and loving word I could utter. "No" encourages independence - for me, for the other person. It gives dignity. But it also sometimes stings with disappointment. The word "no" has changed my life and given me my happiness back. I used to believe an illusion that I could solve everyone's problems and have time at the end of the day to accomplish my own dreams and goals. Today I understand I either chase a false belief that I can change another person's happiness, or I can focus on myself and perhaps truly make an impact. I don't need to be superwoman today. I am simply a human that chooses to be happy.
How do you disappoint others in order to remain true to your own needs and self care? Do you find it difficult to let others down when it is necessary for your spiritual growth? Let me know about your journey in a comment below or at defytheaverage@gmail.com.
I grew up with the mentality that I could somehow go through life making everyone and myself happy. I had some sort of superwoman complex that I fought, tooth and nail, to hold on to. Every time I was unable to accomplish the happiness of all those around me, I felt like a failure. I also made another lethal yet unconscious decision - I surrounded myself with suffering people who needed me. Happiness was a stiff order. One that was completely ridiculous and unreasonable. Yet I expected it of myself to solve it all - and make everyone happy. Guess who ended up miserable...
One day I had to come to grips with the truth that I could not make anyone happy. The harder I tried, the more demanding people became. I felt resentful and overwhelmed. I had to come to a very low place to accept the fact that I was far less powerful than I thought. I opened myself up to learning how limited my little world of control was - and it was beautiful. I get to make me happy. That's it. That is all I have control over. A wonderful thing happens when I practice this. Other people around me seem to get happier too. The only thing I owe another person is my own happiness.
Sometimes being true to my own happiness can be disappointing to others. When I am honest about my own needs and desires, it can be necessary to deny someone else's request. The word "no" is often the hardest word to leave my lips - but the most important and loving word I could utter. "No" encourages independence - for me, for the other person. It gives dignity. But it also sometimes stings with disappointment. The word "no" has changed my life and given me my happiness back. I used to believe an illusion that I could solve everyone's problems and have time at the end of the day to accomplish my own dreams and goals. Today I understand I either chase a false belief that I can change another person's happiness, or I can focus on myself and perhaps truly make an impact. I don't need to be superwoman today. I am simply a human that chooses to be happy.
How do you disappoint others in order to remain true to your own needs and self care? Do you find it difficult to let others down when it is necessary for your spiritual growth? Let me know about your journey in a comment below or at defytheaverage@gmail.com.
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