Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Survival

Oh how I hate thee. Fear. I had never considered myself to be a fearful person until I really started thinking about it the last few months. I am scared of LOTS of stuff. I am scared of money and whether I will have enough to keep making my bills on time. I'm scared of the future, and if I will be able to pursue my dreams. I'm scared of my job, because what if I just don't cut it? Or what if I get laid off due to financial difficulty? I am scared of relationships and the unpredictibility of losing people. Most of all, I am scared of myself. There is a deep fear that I am just not good enough. That I might just slip up and fail financially, relationally, educationally, spiritually, in my job, and just at LIFE. It's irrational, I know. And it holds me back more than I can imagine. I end up living to survive instead of living to ENJOY myself.

There is another part of me however, that believes that I am talented. A talented healer, counselor, writer, poet, photographer, nutritionist, cook, student, fiance, and friend. This person dies to reach out of me and take hold of my lifestyle everyday and every moment. Someday, I will be brave enough to not just let her out every once in awhile, but I will actually let her take over. Maybe someday I will actually trust enough to allow this side of me to make a living for myself and become my fullest and highest potential. Someday.

My fear holds this person back.

Each day, I will address my fears a little at a time. They may be too big for me to face all at once for today, but they are not too big if I tackle them as God gives me the strength one day at a time. Maybe eventually I will be fearless enough to run my own business and earn my doctorate! Maybe one day I will not feel the overwhelming need to survive, I will just live confidently instead. What is a dream of yours that does not get accomplished because of fear?

1 comment:

  1. 6But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. 27Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:26

    ReplyDelete