For quite awhile, I was baffled by the idea of simply not accepting unacceptable behavior. I think I had a hard time distinguishing what was unacceptable to me for one thing, and secondly, once I identified what was unacceptable - how in the hell was I supposed to make it any different??? HAHA.
Today, I don't find the topic quite so confusing. I have come a long way in raising my own standards and you can too. Before I could begin to set wholesome boundaries for myself, I had to learn to identify what was important to me. I used to think EVERYTHING was unacceptable. Especially in relationships. "He's always disrespecting me. He never does the dishes. He doesn't do the dishes correctly. How dare he use that without asking me. I can't believe he said that about me." - On and on my head would race... and the resentment would mount. All the time I would think about the behavior of others - friends, family, boyfriends, co-workers - and I would think so many things were unacceptable. If I chose to communicate my feelings, I felt it was hopeless anyway because there would be no way to force them to change. Mmmm... Silly girl.
What I was doing was not justice to myself. I hadn't taken the time to really identify what bothered me so bad - deep down - that it was unacceptable. It took much less time to just feel disgruntled about everything. We have to know ourselves before we can ever understand where to set our standards. Today I know that cussing at me - is unacceptable. Discrediting me - is unacceptable. Being in a toxic work environment - is unacceptable. Being anywhere that doesn't make me grow, shine, or love - is unacceptable. What are the absolute "no's" to you?
So what to do when the "unacceptables" are identified? Does identifying one of your absolute "no's" make it quickly disappear from your life forever? Ha! No. It is only the first step. Here is the hard deal with choosing not to accept anything but the best in your life - you have to choose to let go. If you don't accept demeaning communication any longer and your boss, or boyfriend, or whoever, is constantly demeaning you after you have asked for respect - you have to cut them from your life. If lying is unacceptable and your best friend lies constantly, the change is in your corner. Identifying something unacceptable and then allowing it to continue means it really isn't unacceptable to you.
I have found that identifying the few things that are truly unacceptable to me and then following through by never allowing them in my life, has given me a new lease on life. My life gets progressively better when I stick up for my values. When I compromise and tolerate unacceptable behavior, I allow my spirit to be wounded over and over. How can I ever grow if I am constantly preoccupied by resentment and surviving another blow to my values? Don't accept anything but the best in your life today. It may not seem like serious business to let that rude comment slide by, but it may be draining your potential subtly every day. Make some changes - big or small - that allow your values and spirit to flourish. Remember, we are the gate keepers of our lives. Only you can choose the environment you live in.
Tell me about your standard shifts! Start the conversation right here. Or you can message me at defytheaverage@gmail.com
Today, I don't find the topic quite so confusing. I have come a long way in raising my own standards and you can too. Before I could begin to set wholesome boundaries for myself, I had to learn to identify what was important to me. I used to think EVERYTHING was unacceptable. Especially in relationships. "He's always disrespecting me. He never does the dishes. He doesn't do the dishes correctly. How dare he use that without asking me. I can't believe he said that about me." - On and on my head would race... and the resentment would mount. All the time I would think about the behavior of others - friends, family, boyfriends, co-workers - and I would think so many things were unacceptable. If I chose to communicate my feelings, I felt it was hopeless anyway because there would be no way to force them to change. Mmmm... Silly girl.
What I was doing was not justice to myself. I hadn't taken the time to really identify what bothered me so bad - deep down - that it was unacceptable. It took much less time to just feel disgruntled about everything. We have to know ourselves before we can ever understand where to set our standards. Today I know that cussing at me - is unacceptable. Discrediting me - is unacceptable. Being in a toxic work environment - is unacceptable. Being anywhere that doesn't make me grow, shine, or love - is unacceptable. What are the absolute "no's" to you?
So what to do when the "unacceptables" are identified? Does identifying one of your absolute "no's" make it quickly disappear from your life forever? Ha! No. It is only the first step. Here is the hard deal with choosing not to accept anything but the best in your life - you have to choose to let go. If you don't accept demeaning communication any longer and your boss, or boyfriend, or whoever, is constantly demeaning you after you have asked for respect - you have to cut them from your life. If lying is unacceptable and your best friend lies constantly, the change is in your corner. Identifying something unacceptable and then allowing it to continue means it really isn't unacceptable to you.
I have found that identifying the few things that are truly unacceptable to me and then following through by never allowing them in my life, has given me a new lease on life. My life gets progressively better when I stick up for my values. When I compromise and tolerate unacceptable behavior, I allow my spirit to be wounded over and over. How can I ever grow if I am constantly preoccupied by resentment and surviving another blow to my values? Don't accept anything but the best in your life today. It may not seem like serious business to let that rude comment slide by, but it may be draining your potential subtly every day. Make some changes - big or small - that allow your values and spirit to flourish. Remember, we are the gate keepers of our lives. Only you can choose the environment you live in.
Tell me about your standard shifts! Start the conversation right here. Or you can message me at defytheaverage@gmail.com
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